Merry Christmas

Just a short post. I will post more later. I just can't seem to find the time. I ended up with pneumonia before Christmas which has severely altered my time table. We had a wonderful Christmas and are so very grateful that my Mom, Dad, sister and nephew were able to make it down for the holidays. I have so much to catch everyone up on but for now, Merry Christmas will have to do :)

Day 30 one day late

Well, I missed yesterdays post because Jim and I left the kids with a sitter and went to a concert. We had a great time even though both of us have nasty colds. We even stayed out until 11:30 :)

It was one year ago yesterday that we sent our LOI, letter of intent, to the Chinese government stating that we wished to proceed and adopt Lu Jing Jing! What a great day it was. I am very thankful for that day as it was a huge leap forward in the adoption. We had waited so long for that day to come.

I haven't shared this with many people before and actually no one, other than my Mom and close friends, have ever asked me why, why we and why I wanted to adopt. It is something I have wanted to do since I was a teenager. I don't remember why or what event influenced me. I have always been affected by events that have happened around the world, especially the suffering of children. I remember thinking one day, how awesome it would be to have a child and then adopt a child. To give another child the warmth and love of a family. When I got older, I didn't think of it as much, but, it was still always in the back of my mind. It was probably having Ainsley and then Jim reconnecting with his birth mother at the same time that got my brain spinning again. I started to think why not? I did have to talk Jim into it :) He is the more practical one where I tend to follow my heart without thinking. Eventually the two of us decided to move forward with the adoption. So after many hurdles, obstacles and tests of faith and determination, here we are. I look at these two girls fighting in the family room right now and I am amazed by them :) They are driving me crazy this morning though! If someone had told me many years ago that my life would end up just like how I had envisioned it as a teenager, I don't think I would believe them. It is amazing to think that I and we have all this. Wow!!!!! We have two amazing, stubborn, opinionated loving little girls who adore each other. Who could ask for more. While we have had our ups and downs with Sofie's medical stuff, I wouldn't change a thing. I am amazed at how much our family can handle and what we can deal with. We are a lot stronger than I ever would have thought. I am grateful for that and for my family! I love you guys :)

Day 29

I am thankful for Sofie's birth mom, or as we call her, her China Mom. While we do not know all the circumstances surrounding her decision to give her child a better life, I am sure it was not an easy decision. So many people judge these women and don't understand how they can just give their children up so easily. I do not think it is an easy decision. Some may be more pragmatic about it but I think the pain, worry and anguish stay with them always. I have talked to Jim's birth mom about this. She stated that there isn't a day that goes by when you don't wonder where they are, what they are doing or if they are happy. It is an unimaginable decision to have to relinquish your child because of a law, economic circumstances, cultural differences or a medical condition that you cannot afford to take care of. I am sure their are many other reasons, too many to get into. I am very grateful to Sofie's China Mom for giving us the opportunity to raise Sofie and to have our lives touched by her wonderful spirit. I think of her often and I hope that her Mama can one day gaze up at the moon and know somewhere deep in her heart that her child is loved and cared for and is doing well :)

Day 28

One year ago today we saw this sweet little face for the very first time. I am so very thankful for that day.

One year ago today we saw our daughter's face for the very first time. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. Ainsley was still awake when we got the call. I didn't want to look at the referral in front of her as we had turned down 3 referrals prior and I did not want to disappoint her. Our agency told me her details over the phone and when she got to her date of birth, 8-14-2009, I knew instantly that it was her. It was our daughter. Her birth date and our wedding anniversary are on the same day. I knew it was her without even looking at a photo or reading her whole file. Her picture sealed the deal and I could have cared less what was in her medical file. I knew that, finally, we had found our baby and all the pain and anguish over the last few years was suddenly just erased. I am so very thankful and blessed!

It is a strange thing to see a picture of your child and still not know exactly when you are going to go see her and bring her home. To know that everyday she is growing and changing and you are missing out on it. It is the hardest wait I have ever done.

We received the results from Sofie's CT Scan of her ears. It was totally normal. She had some under pneumatization of her mastoid air cells which is normal for cleft kids and kids with ear tubes. So the good news is that there is nothing structurally wrong with her ears and nothing that can get worse. There is nothing that is going to require surgery. It is sort of a relief to know that she won't have to have any more surgery in the near future. Now all we are waiting for is the genetic test results which will take 4-6 weeks. We may never know why she lost her hearing. It is clear by the fact that she can say some words that she was able to hear at some point. According to her paperwork from the orphanage and her reports from Love Without Boundaries, she could say the words mama and baba. I am grateful she is too young to remember any of it. I cannot imagine how strange and scary it must be to be able to hear and then for it to fade. I finally feel like we are starting to move forward. We know what we are dealing with and can do what we need to do to help Sofie learn to talk. She is such a spunky, smart little girl that I don't think she will have much of a problem over coming anything :)

Day 27

Today I am thankful for ALL the organizations in China who work on behalf of the children. They navigate through complicated political waters and different social customs and beliefs, but, they always have the children's welfare in mind.  I know that in prior posts I have mentioned the two organizations that impacted Sofie's life in China. There are SO many more people that do such amazing work and they all need our help. If you have any spare change this holiday season, please consider giving part of it to one of these agencies. You could change the life and health of a child and possibly set them on the road to finding their forever family :)

Day 26

Today I am thankful for our dog, Shiloh!! Her whole world was turned upside down when a certain toddler arrived and took over the house. Both has adapted well to each other even though they were both terrified of each other at first. They are now the best of friends.............................it could have something to do with all the food that Sofie drops :)

Day 25

Today I am thankful that it is one month until Christmas. I can hardly wait!!!! This will be our first Christmas with Sofie and I am so excited. Last year we made her a part of Christmas. She had presents under the tree and Ainsley was in charge of opening them for her. We then put them aside to save them for her when she came home. She loved them. She also has some personalized ornaments on the kids Christmas Tree that I cannot wait to show her.  This year will be so much better with her actually here :)

Day 24

Today I am thankful for new friends. Our neighbors down the street have friends whose son and daughter in law adopted a little girl from just outside of Hefei the week after we were there. We have emailed back and forth,but never met. They live in Illinois, but were in town for Thanksgiving so our neighbors arranged a get together for all of us at their house. It was a lovely afternoon and the kids had so much fun together. They have a older daughter the same age as Ainsley and their youngest is just a few months younger than Sofie. It was so nice to hang out with a family just like ours :)

Day 23

Today I am very thankful that Sofie's CT Scan is now done and the labs for her Connexin 26/ 30 genetic hearing test have been drawn. It is, hopefully, the last test she will have to have for a while. I say hopefully because we usually end up having to have another test done once we get the results of the previous tests. I am being cautiously optimistic. I was also a test that was almost not done today...........funny story!

Sofie has been fighting a cold for about a week now. It stayed the same up until a few days ago when it got worse. No fever, just a nasty cough and a runny nose. We had started preparing ourselves for the fact that they may not be willing to sedate her for her CT. The CT is quick but it is a lot of radiation and very thin cuts through her ear and if she moved in the slightest it would be ruined and have to be repeated hence more radiation.  She also wouldn't be able to have her hearing aids in for the CT so she wouldn't be able to hear me either yelling at her to hold still :) Sedation just works better, that, and she had to have an IV to have the labs drawn and I really didn't want to have to sit on her to have that done either.
We decided to head in as the cough starts to get better once she is upright and moving around for a while. Ainsley had to come with us too so she hid upstairs to eat her breakfast while we got Sofie ready as Sofie had to stay NPO, nothing to ear or drink.......anesthesia airway rules and we already have an airway full of snot.  Sure enough, her cough started clearing up a little so off we went. Jim did a car sweep for hidden snacks before we headed out. About half way there, Ainsley says " ummmmm, I forgot Sofie couldn't have anything and I accidentally gave her a Mike 'n Ike's candy just now".................WHAT!!!!!! I thought Jim was going to stop the car on the freeway and get out to strangle Ainsley. I lunged into the back seat and did a quick mouth sweep....no candy, only the sinister grin from a certain 3 year old! The look on her face was...I showed you! NO BREAKFAST HA HA HA!!! You could have heard a pin drop the rest of the way to the hospital. You see, it is a bad thing when you are an anesthetist and your child is having anesthesia at your place of employment and your kid shows up in violation of the NPO rule.....because of a tiny candy! It just looks bad. Wow, did we hear some jokes from EVERYONE :) They decided that her cough wasn't that bad and that the candy could be treated as a liquid because it was all sugar, not a solid. We only had to wait two extra hours until they would sedate her. It was very strange sending her for the CT. Because she is sleeping and sedated we don't go with her. It was a strange feeling sending my child by herself, sort of, to go have a test done that I do at work. I so badly wanted to go down to Radiology and quiz the Tech that was doing her scan. The old 20 questions- how long you been doing this and I am just going to stand here behind you and watch to make sure you are not going to mess it up :) I didn't. The Anesthesiologist kept an eye on everyone for me and reported back that all went well. No coughing in the middle of the scan.....whew!

So that is over. We should have the CT results on Monday. The genetics test will be anywhere from 4-6 weeks so I am not even going to think about it.

You have to hand it to Ainsley, she was honest. I am not sure that at that age, under those circumstances I would have said a word to anyone. She totally fessed up immediately and told us what she did.......she is always very good at tattling on herself. No harm done......thank you :)

Day 22

Today I am thankful for everything and everyone!! I have been so very blessed in my life............from family, friends and acquaintances. I am so very lucky to have both of my daughters and my wonderful husband in my life. Life is good. I am truly thankful. I love all of you dearly and you mean the world to me. As Ainsley put it so eloquently this morning...."Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for my sister!!"

May this coming year be good and gracious to all of you. Happy Thanksgiving to your family from the Ducharme's :)

Day 21

OK, this is getting harder and harder to do. Today I am thankful for my Mom.  I am super thankful for my Dad too, I love him dearly, but, my Mom is my Mom. She understands what it is like to be a Mom. She has stood by me through our whole adoption with love and support. She offered me good advice when I didn't want to hear it and a long distance shoulder to cry on when I needed it. I wish she was not so far away.  I thank you Mom and Dad for all you do and for just being there for me when I needed you.........unconditional love :)

Day 20

Today I am thankful for my daughter Ainsley, again :) Today was special persons day at school. Due to the fact that we do not have family close by, Ainsley's special people are usually me and my girlfriend Debbie. This year it was me, Debbie and Sofie. Ainsley was so excited that her sister would be at school with her. She got up this morning at 6:30!!!!! got dressed, went downstairs, let the dog out and fed the dog then put pancakes in the toaster for both herself and her sister. She told me that she knew I would have a busy morning with Sofie and special person's day so she just wanted to help out :)

Day 19

Today I am thankful for online social networking. I NEVER thought I would hear myself utter those words. It has allowed me to connect with so many other Mom's and Dad's who have gone through or are going through the adoption process. It has allowed me to develop a huge support network and, thus, has allowed me to help Sofie and Ainsley better. Instead of jumping into things without any knowledge other that what I read in a book, I can talk to an actual person who has gone through the same thing...........priceless information :)

The Movie

So yesterday, as I posted earlier, I went to see Somewhere Between. WOW!!!! The director of the documentary was there to answer questions after the movie. What an amazing experience. I was so totally unprepared for the movie. I knew before going that they mentioned Sofie's orphanage in the film. I was not prepared for how much it was featured in the film. It is a must see for anyone who has adopted from China, know someone who has adopted from China and especially any family who has adopted from Hefei.

Anyone who doesn't want the movie's content spoiled stop reading now :)

It was a wonderful movie that features 4 girls all of whom were adopted from China, live in the US and are in their early teens. They each have a unique opinion of what it is like to be transracially adopted. They all seem to struggle with identity and where they fit in, not in their families, but in society. I cannot wait for the day that Sofie gets to watch it. It is so raw and real and they just tell it like it is. I won't go through the whole movie, it is amazing and I don't want to ruin it for anyone. It gets released for sale on DVD in February and it was shown on TV Ontario in Canada. Go see it if you can!!!!

So like I mentioned, Sofie's orphanage was featured in the film. One of the girls was born just outside Hefei and she travels back there frequently to help in the orphanages with the children. She met a little girl with CP and raised money to pay for her therapy at the Hefei Children's Welfare Institute, where Sofie spent 2 1/2 years. It follows the older girl and, as she calls her, the little girl in pink. She visits her often and the little girl refers to her as older sister. It also follows her as she is adopted by her family. I was watching the film when they mentioned Hefei and my heart jumped and I thought "wow, how neat." Then they showed the lobby of the orphanage and I think I just about fell out of my chair. They showed the hallways that we walked down, the doors and the little windows that we looked in. By this time I was full on sobbing. It it such and emotional day, the day you go to visit your child's orphanage with your newly adopted child. You meet her nanny and you see how upset she is that she is seeing Lu Jing Jing for the last time. The scenes from the orphanage just brought all that back with am immense and very quick force. By this time I am quietly sobbing, quietly cause I don't want to make a fool out of myself. If I was at home it would have been full on sobbing! A thought then pops into my very foggy head. What a priceless gift this woman has given us. Sofie's orphanage moved this past summer to a brand new place outside of town. Like everything in China I am sure it will be torn down and  a new building will be built in it's place. Many adoptees travel back to China to see their finding spot and to visit their orphanage. They try to connect with their past. Sofie will never have that. She will never get to see the place where she spent the first 2 1/2 years of her life. She will only have pictures and now, a movie.

I walked up to the director after the film and told her thank you. Thank you for making such a wonderful movie and thank you for the gift that you have given my daughter. She will be able to see at least snippits of where she lived forever. And yes, I was bawling my eyes out at this point like I am right now :)

Day 18

Today I am thankful for my husband who stayed home with two sick kiddos so I could go see Somewhere Between. Jim, you are the best :)

Day 17

Today I am thankful for the documentary Somewhere Between. I saw it today and all I can say is WOW!!!!!! and thank you !!!!!!

http://www.somewherebetweenmovie.com

We have them!!!!

Sofie got her hearing aids at 10:30 this morning. She has been wearing them all day and hasn't even messed with them once. Wow there was a lot of stuff that the audiologist had to show us about them. Jim and I are complete and total losers trying to get them in her ears. Her little ear canals are so small that they are really hard to get in.

When she first put them in Sofie's ears, I almost started crying. The look on her face was sheer terror. The audiologist still had to program the noise reduction and the feedback cancellation. Once that was done, Sofie really started to calm down. She then proceeded to talk for the next hour non stop :) She couldn't get enough of hearing herself talk and on the way out of the building, she stopped, and turned toward the heater that was blowing air. She was enthralled with the sound of blowing air!!

A friend on mine relayed a story to me about when her daughter got her aids and how amazed she was at the sound of birds chirping. I love that story and thank you so much for sharing it with me! Our story isn't quite as emotionally moving......... it is very funny though........and very Sofie :)

We took Sofie out for lunch after and part way through lunch, she signed to me that she had to go potty. Off we went to the restroom and low and behold she actually went this time. When I lifted her off the toilet the automatic flush activated.........whooooosh. This is not the first time that Sofie has been around an automatic toilet when it flushed. She turned toward it with a look on her face of complete amazement. She started jumping up and down and yelled out a huge WOOOOOWWWWWWW!! She kept pointing to the toilet yelling WOOOOOWWWWWW the whole time. She wanted me to make if flush again and again. Anyone listening probably thought we were nuts! Typical Sofie :)

Ainsley was so excited this morning when she left for school. At sharing (show and tell)  today she told everyone that her sister was getting her hearing aids today and that when she got home from school, Sofie would really be able to clearly hear her for the first time :) She melted my heart!!!

Day 16

Today I am very thankful that Jim switched shifts and got today off so that he could come with Sofie and I. It is nice not to have to do this by myself. It is always nice to have company when you are leaping into the great unknown :)

Day 15

Today I am thankful that Sofie will FINALLY get her hearing aids tomorrow! So very happy and thankful.

It is a strange experience to know that your child cannot really hear what you are saying to them clearly. She understands so much, yet, the clarity of the words is missing. It is even a stranger experience knowing that tomorrow she will clearly hear me and other sounds for the very first time. The emotion that goes with it is almost overwhelming. I am excited, scared and very nervous about tomorrow. It kinda feels like you are taking a huge, exciting leap off a cliff without a parachute and you have no idea where you are going to land. I have no idea what to expect and absolutely no expectations about tomorrow. That is a huge leap of faith for a slightly organized control freak such as myself.  I will be flying by the seat of my pants tomorrow. Wish us luck :)

6 Months Ago Today

Where do I even start with Day 14 of Thankfulness! Today, it has been 6 months since we met a very quiet, scared little girl in the Civil Affairs Office of Hefei, Anhui Province, China. It has gone by so fast that I cannot believe it has been 6 months already, yet, it feels like she has been a part of our family forever.

 Sofie on our Family Day May 14, 2012 Hefei China

......and Sofie now!!!!

I look back at the pictures and I cannot believe how much Sofie has changed. Her eyes that were once so blank are now so full of life.....and that smile!!!!! 

Today also fills me with so much emotion. This little girl has added so much to both mine and Jim's life, but, also an enormous amount to Ainsley's life. She has given us more than we can or ever will be able to give her. Her addition to our family has created a most wonderful relationship......... sisters. To be able to witness the bond of sisterhood form between two little girls is a tremendous honor and such an awe inspiring thing. They truly love and adore each other. I am so very thankful for that :)

I am thankful for all the twists and turns, ups and downs that led us to each other.  As difficult as they were at the time, I truly believe that we were supposed to find each other. I know not everyone thinks that way, but, for us it rings true. If one thing had gone differently or been completed faster, we both would not have been in the place we both needed to be at in order for her referral to find us.  

If you had asked me 6 months ago where I thought we would be at right now at this moment, I would have said that all of Sofie's surgeries for now would be done and we would be settled into a schedule and a routine. We would have speech therapy already underway and life would be a little more predictable. You think I would have learned by now that life has surprises in store for you all the time and it usually doesn't work out quite how you think it will. I did not imagine that at this point we would still be undergoing medical tests and seeing more specialists. I did not imagine that hearing aids and audiology appointments were in our future either. It is what it is and we can handle anything. All I have to do is watch Sofie for a couple of minutes at any particular doctor's office and it totally puts me back in my place. This little girl can handle anything that life throws at her. The least we can do is be there to support her and provide her with all the tools she needs to succeed. She is amazing, much stronger than I ever could be. She has survived so much and never seems frustrated or overwhelmed, unless, you tell her that she can't have any more Halloween candy!!!! She always seems to lead us through every difficult moment with her little smile that says "come on guys you can do this. We can do anything together."

I have come to realize that I have not had very many fuzzy warm posts on the blog lately. We have had to handle a lot of stuff and this is a way for me to get it out and deal with it. If you are looking for a fuzzy blog you have come to the wrong one!!  I hope, though, that I am not coming across as too whiny and complaining or a drama queen. I also write this blog with the hopes of helping just one adoptive family get through the wait or helping them prepare for what happens once they get home with their new family. I feel I would be doing them a disservice if I sugarcoated everything. It is difficult, all of it, from beginning to after you are home. The first 6 months home are really hard. It is OK....it does get better. The moments of joy far outweigh the heartache. It is the hardest, most rewarding best thing we have ever done. I would do everything all over again and not change a thing. We have been given challenges that we were not expecting, but, that is the joy of adoption. You never know what you are getting into, but, you find out how strong you are as an individual and as a family. You find out that you truly can handle anything that life throws your way......all you need is that high voltage super awesome smile and all is right and good with the world :)

Our very first Sofie smile!!!!!!

Day 13

Today, I am very thankful for our medical insurance. If you had asked me that last year I would have said no. Turns out, it is pretty good insurance when you really need pretty good insurance. We are very thankful and realize that others are not so lucky. It is one less thing to have to worry about :)

Genetics Appointment Done

Well, we got stuck in traffic because it snowed 1/4 inch, in Minnesota. Totally slowed everything down and I ended up being late for our appointment even though I left early. Fortunately, everyone else was late too so it ended up being no problem.

They examined Sofie from head to toe and the genetics counsellor, nurse practitioner and the Geneticist  all determined that Sofie in no way has any type of syndrome and in fact her hearing loss has nothing to do with her cleft. Yeah!!!!........say what????? It had not even entered my mind that Sofie's hearing loss could be independent of her cleft. No one had ever mentioned it, at all. I was stunned, shocked and for a change at a total loss for words. Even Jim was wondering what was going on with me. It took me all day to process it. It still doesn't change anything....but what a curve ball. At one point they stated that they thought her hearing loss was due to chronic ear infections and may get better. That was the part that left my brain racing. It took me all day to figure out why. It would be great if that happened. The only problem is, and this is what my little brain was trying to wrap itself around all day, there was no indication of any ear infections in any of her medical files. I do realize that the information from China is not always totally truthful, but, even her Love Without Boundaries information said nothing about ear infections. She hasn't had a single ear infection since she came home and, in fact, when they put her ear tubes in, there was no fluid in the ear at all. I am being cautiously optimistic on this one.

The other cause of her hearing loss could still be a genetic issue. There is one protein on a chromosome that is associated with hearing loss. It is called the Connexin 26 or Connexin 30. It has been shown to be the cause of hearing loss in a number of ethnic groups. They will therefore run a full genetic sequence on Connexin 26 and 30 to determine if that is the cause. She will also have a CT Scan of her ears to rule out any boney abnormality. And then again, we may never know why and that is OK too :)

The CT Scan is on November 23 and the genetic results take as long as 4 weeks.

Day 12

Today I am thankful for these little feet. They are so very precious and brave and have taken this little girl places that I bet she thought she would never go :)

Another round of appointments

Tomorrow is Sofie's Genetics appointment. I am not sure how I am feeling about it. Not scared. She is amazing and wonderful and no matter what the results may be, it changes nothing. She is still Sofie.
For those of you who don't know, Sofie is being tested for several different syndromes. Which ones, we will find out the details tomorrow. Because she has what they term as two midline "defects" ( I hate that term) and her type of hearing loss is a little atypical for a cleft kiddo, they are worried that she could have a genetic syndrome. The only thing it will change is that we will have a definitive prognosis of things to watch for in the future and she will be able to determine her risks if and when she decides to have children of her own.

As for me, I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I have heard all the advice from people. Don't worry about it, it will all be OK. Don't worry unless they tell you to worry about something. I totally appreciate all the support and everyone trying to keep me calm and grounded. I cannot imagine how difficult it is going to be to listen to them go through each syndrome, it's characteristics and how it may affect her and not start crying. That is my goal tomorrow, not to bawl my eyes out in the Genetics Clinic. I am bringing Kleenex just in case :)

Day 11

I am very thankful for our wonderful families. They stood by us through thick and thin, good and bad, happy and sad. They have celebrated all the milestones in our adoption journey and also held our hands in the darkest moments when we thought that our adoption journey would finish without a happy ending. They gave us hope, love, encouragement and most of all wonderful advice. They have also accepted and love Sofie unconditionally. We are truly blessed :)

Day 10

Today I am thankful for Sofie's ENT surgeon who did her palate repair and lip revision this summer. We were very lucky in that all the ENT surgeons in this group also have a plastic surgery rotation under their belt. They are therefore able to do both the palate and the lip revision. He did an amazing job and is truly an artist. He also specializes in ears too so if she should happen to need something in that area, we have it covered.
He is on the board of directors of a group that does mission trips to repair clefts in kiddos all over the world and has in fact traveled for many of these missions. He truly cares about what he does and about the kids :)

Day 9

Today I am thankful for all of our guides while we traveled in China. They were wonderful. Not only did they expose us to a wonderful, very different culture, they also made sure that all of the paperwork was in order and that everything was looked after. All we had to do was concentrate on Sofie :)

Day 8

Today I am thankful for Sofie's nanny in China. She did a wonderful job looking after Sofie. I will be eternally grateful to her for teaching Sofie how to trust and love. It makes everything else after they are adopted, a little bit easier. Not easy, just easier. Once they learn how to trust and love, it is like the pathway has been formed and they can then bond to others more easily. We are eternally grateful to her :)

Day 7

Today I am thankful for adoption tax credit. Because of this, many families are able to adopt and many more kids find their forever families. I am hoping that both parties in our government can see past all the numbers and make the adoption tax credit permanent.....for the kids :)

Day 6

Today I am thankful for all of the wonderful friends that I have made along this journey, most of whom, I have never met. I have a group of friends that I have made online who have held my virtual hand and sent me virtual hugs at every up and down that we have experienced. There support has been amazing. They all just get it, without an explanation, because they have been there and done that. They don't need to ask why or how.

I also have some awesome friends who have held my hand, listened to my whining, wiped my tears and given supportive hugs. They have also shared with us the great joy of looking at our daughter's picture for the first time. You all know who you are.

To both kinds of friends.....I say THANK YOU :)

Day 5

Today I am thankful for Sofie's relationship with Jim. It was not too long ago that Sofie was attached to me 24/7. It is so amazing to watch her relationship with Jim grow and develop. There is no better feeling than watching her choose to head out the door with Jim, happily, and say her little Bye Bye to me. She knows that I have always been here, am always here, will always be here. Trust :)

A Sofie Story

I was talking to a friend on Facebook the other night when we veered off topic and I ended up telling her a Sofie story. She got a huge kick out of it and told me how one day this story will surface again and be told over and over, much to Sofie's probable dislike. I decided then that I should probably put this story in black and white print so my frail and ever failing brain will not have to remember all the details. It is a baptism story, Sofie style!

We arrive at the church for Sofie's baptism on time and I have no idea how that happened. At first Sofie was a little timid, kind of cautious. She always likes to scope out the situation, takes it all in, before jumping in with both feet. She settles down and then starts to explore. She is walking up and down the pews, stepping on every one's feet stopping every once in a while to flash someone her amazing smile. She does this until the choir starts singing. She is intrigued by it, but, more intrigued by the book we are all holding in our hands. She is fascinated with books and reads them out loud. This book is different though, you sing the words in it....her other favorite thing to do, sing. She can't do either, read or sing, but don't tell her that! Sofie does not want to share my hymn book, she wants her own book. She is working on the sharing thing too. Of she goes again and in a few minutes, she comes back with a hymn book for herself. It is a large hymn book so she keeps dropping it on the wood pew which makes a huge banging echo. I try to take the book away from her and try to get her to share mine. NO GO! She takes off again and continues her journey up and down the pews, this time with the hymn book. Finally, it is our turn to stand at the front of the church for the baptism. I think nothing more about the hymn book and the service continues on without a hitch.

Later, we go out to a hotel for brunch with all our family and friends. We are having a lovely time, but, Sofie is starting to get bored so I go looking for her little bag of toys that she takes everywhere with her. From the first day we met her, Sofie has carried around a little bag or back pack of toys or whatever has caught her fancy. There is usually a toy cell phone, one of our old cell phones, a little music player, one of Jim's wire bikes, the tags off her dress that we bought her in China ????? and whatever else she can find for that day. I pick the bag up and it is very heavy. I start pulling stuff out trying to find her cell phone so she can send a text, yes she does that too! I then pull out a rather large HYMN BOOK from church!!!! I turn to Sofie and the look on her face is pure joy and a "look what I got in my little bag Mommy!!!!" She is so proud of herself and really not happy when I make her walk it over to the Minister,  who is also out for lunch with us, and give it back. I have no idea when she stashed it or how she even got it into the bag. It was about the same size as the bag. That must have taken some kind of effort.

I am not sure what it means when you commit a theft at your own baptism....................... :)

Day 4

Today I am thankful for Half the Sky Foundation. They are a wonderful charity that works in Chinese orphanages. The began in 1998 when a group of adoptive parents led by Jenny and Richard Bowen started an organization to help improve conditions in Chinese orphanages.

From HTS website:

In 1997, Jenny and Richard Bowen adopted a toddler from a welfare institution in southern China. From that day, they received a harsh, first-hand education about the harmful effects of institutionalizing small children: their little girl suffered from severe delays and, most worrisome, she was emotionally shut down. Vacant. But after just one year of non-stop loving attention and care from her new family, she was transformed. Truly… a butterfly emerged from that lonely cocoon.

How easy it was to make all the difference in the life of one small child!

What if you could do the same for the many children in China who wait for families – and for those who will never be adopted? It was a simple idea. Why not?

And so, in 1998, Half the Sky, named for the Chinese adage, "Women hold up half the sky,"* was born.

*Although, even today, 95% of healthy abandoned infants are girls, the issue of child abandonment and the reasons behind it grow increasingly complex as China develops. Half the Sky serves all children residing in China's welfare institutions, regardless of gender or the circumstances that brought them there.

They have done phenomenal work in China. HTS states that it has trained 8758 child care workers and helped 63 959 children, yet, there are still 989 541 children still waiting...in one country. There are between 143 and 210 MILLION orphans world wide at this time. When you sit down and read the statistics, they are mind boggling!

We are very grateful to them for taking such good care of Sofie, Lu Jing Jing as she is known to them. She had one main nanny who cared for her and she grew up with the same children. I have pictures of her as a baby and growing up with her friends. I have her life book which documents the first 2 1/2 years of her life. You don't normally get this at all. We are so fortunate and blessed to have all of this information....it is priceless. More importantly, Sofie has a past and it is documented in words and in pictures :)

Day 3

I am thankful for our eldest daughter Ainsley. Most children wait 9 months to meet their new siblings. Ainsley waited 3 years. She was 4 years old when we started our journey and has gone though countless delays and a complete change of where we were adopting from. When we switched to the China program, someone at school said to Ainsley, "I thought your sister was in Ethiopia." Her explanation sums it up perfectly....." Well, we thought she was in Ethiopia, but, it turns out she has been waiting for us in China the whole time. We just didn't know it!" She absolutely adores her sister and the feeling is mutual. I have never seen two little girls who get so excited to see each other when they have been apart, even if it is only for a short time.

Day 2

I am thankful for Sofie' effervescent smile. It simply lights up a room, melts people's hearts and will do wondrous things in this world.

Day 1

Every day during November, families who have adopted post what they are thankful for. I will post here what I post on Facebook.

DAY 1- My family is complete, my heart is full. I am thankful for my two girls :)

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month. So many children need families. Not everyone can nor wants to adopt.......please keep those who have adopted and those who are trying to, in your thoughts and prayers. Or better yet, support those agencies that do such fantastic work for children in need.

We are home again!

This weekend we traveled back to Thunder Bay to have Sofie baptized in the same church where both myself and Ainsley were both baptized and where Jim and I were married. My family has attended St. Paul's for generations and actually helped build the church. It was a special weekend. Sofie did fantastic. She just seems to thrive on new things and never really seems to get overwhelmed by anything. We had a lovely lunch at a hotel afterwards and there were around 30 people there. Sofie finally got to meet most of her relatives. 

Sofie in her baptism dress that we bought while we were in China. I took about 50 pictures of her trying to get her to smile and get a shot of the dress!!!! Ainsley also wore the same dress and got to help out during the baptism.

Quietly drawing in her new note pad after lunch.

There was only one point where Sofie seems a little taken aback by everything. We stayed in a hotel so the kids could swim in the pool. The first morning when she woke up she was very confused and quiet. She stayed that way through most of breakfast. It was the first time that she had been in a hotel since China. I was taken aback by how much she looked like she did the first week she was with us in China. It took a couple of hours, but, eventually she just seems to pop right out of it and we got a huge Sofie grin. She just took off from there.

There are some health issues in our extended family that we have been dealing with also. This weekend also gave us the time to visit with everyone and catch up. It was a beautiful weekend, but, also a very stressful weekend. It is good to be home again.

Sofie will not be getting her hearing aids today, Halloween. They are stuck in New Jersey and thanks to Hurricane Sandy, they did not ship in time and will be delayed. We are disappointed, but, at the same time feel so blessed for all we have and so terrible for all that some families have lost this weekend. Her next appointment probably will not be until Nov 16 as the Audiologist we are dealing with never seems to have an opening at all. It is very frustrating!!!

Happy Halloween to all. Safe trick or treating to all the kiddos :)


We also wrote a letter to Sofie for her baptism. It was read aloud in the church by her godfather, Shane.

To Sofie Lu,  on your baptism.

On May 14, 2012 you entered our lives and we became your forever family. Today we mark the beginning of your relationship with God. We know, however, that your journey with him started long ago.

He held you close and safe when you were a tiny baby and all alone in this big, giant world. He ensured that it was loving and caring arms that found you and looked after you until your Ma Ma, Ba Ba and Jie Jie, Ainsley, could come and get you. He cared for you when you were very ill and fighting to stay in this world. He tended for your heart while others mended your health. He has given you the strength, perseverance and fortitude to overcome more than any small child should ever have to overcome. He will continue to lift you up and help you through all the challenges you face in the future.

We thank the Lord everyday for our family and all the blessings that we have been granted. You, Sofie, are now safe and wrapped in the love of our Heavenly Father, Mommy, Daddy, your Sister, your Grandparents and all your Aunts, Uncles and Cousins.

As you grow older, we hope that the Lord’s teachings remain in your heart forever and you treat yourself and others with respect, dignity and love, always!

Sofie, may God bless and keep you safe, for all the days of your life.

Love your Mommy, Daddy and big sister Ainsley

Audiology etc.

Sorry about the tardiness in the update. We have had quite a week and I just haven't had it in me to talk about it.

The ABR test and dental work were all completed with no problems. Sofie recovered fantastically and is doing well. The ABR showed moderate hearing loss in the RT ear and mild hearing loss in the LT ear. She will wear hearing aids for the rest of her life. She has both conductive hearing loss and sensory neural hearing loss. The good news is that she has more hearing than she has hearing loss. That is awesome news. I was so afraid it would be the other way around.

The dental work was a little more involved than what we thought it would be. She had her teeth sealed and he smoothed out all the rough surfaces. He also filled four teeth and tried to save her two, upper front teeth. It was not to be. One had an abscess and had to be removed and the one beside it just fell apart and he had nothing left to even attempt a crown. She will have no front teeth until she is 7 or 8 and her permanent teeth come in. It hasn't slowed her down at all. She had nacho chips and guacamole for dinner that night. She does have hard time biting into food and tearing into it so we have to cut up most food for her.

Sofie did amazing at her Audiology appointment where she was fitted for her hearing aids. What was supposed to be a 90 min appointment ended up lasting almost 2 1/2 hours. She played, she read books, she had her ear tubes checked ( they are open and working ), she had foam molds made of her ear canals, she ate snacks and then she found a package of wipes in my purse and proceeded to clean the office :) She was awesome and amazing as always and she does far better than we do. It was an overwhelming appointment. The amount of information that we were provided was just WOW!!! It is kinda weird. When we started the process to adopt from China we researched all kinds of medical conditions. I knew a lot about cleft lip and palate. It just feels like there is so much I don't know about hearing loss. They walk you through the whole process but you still just feel WOW! I know we will work our way through it and so will Sofie and we will all be fine.....we just have to get there and it is a process.

I have tried to explain to people why we are sort of in shock. I cannot explain it at all. I think you have to have gone through this to understand fully. It is a strange experience to have someone come and talk to you about how much your child hears and what you are going to have to do to improve it. I know without a doubt that Sofie will be fine and Sofie will do great. She ALWAYS does. It just hard as the parent because you are supposed to nurture and cocoon your child. It is so hard to explain. My heart just aches for this beautiful, wonderful, adorable little girl who has been through so much, yet, continues to give so much. She is amazing!

We also found out through this whole process that Sofie will need to go for more testing. She needs a CT Scan and we need to go to a Genetics Clinic for some testing. The CT will be done to not only rule out any abnormality which could be surgically corrected, but also, to rule out an abnormality that could at any moment result in permanent and total hearing loss. The Genetic testing will be done to rule out any type of "syndrome." There are about 8 of them.

I hate labels. I hate labeling children. Syndromes label kids. What do you think of when you hear that word. She may indeed have a syndrome but is doesn't change who she is. She is wonderful and smart and funny. I owe it to her to get as much information for her as I can, for the day when she decides to have children. So we will proceed. It doesn't and will not change anything. Sofie is Sofie and she is wonderful!

So, having someone tell you that your child can't hear very well is hard. You should try someone telling you that you need to take your child to a Genetics Clinic. My heart hit the floor. I hadn't even considered that..........one day at a time :)

Thank you so much for reading this and for listening to me. I NEEDED to get this out. It was probably the most difficult post I have ever written. My heart is in every word........one day at a time :)

A thought

I have been thinking a lot this last 24 hours. I also had a great talk with Jim's cousin who is also hearing impaired. She told me that it is OK to be upset. It is a process that we have to go though. I know Sofie will do just fine. I also now know what is upsetting me. Everything else we have been able to "fix." Her cleft was fixed through surgery, her speech could be corrected through speech therapy, her teeth can be fixed with a great dentist, a bone graft and orthodontic work. This is the one thing I can't "fix." I can't make it better. Hearing aids will help her hear and will open up a whole big, new world for her, but, I can't fix it. I can't make it go away.

I know with time we will be fine. Sofie will be fine and the rest of us will be fine too. We will move on and tackle her hearing and speech with everything we have. I know that she will talk and she will talk and talk and talk :)

Thanks everyone for your support, understanding and for just listening. Your kind words really mean a lot to us :)

Today I watched Ainsley and Sofie walk through the cul de sac delivering Ainsley's flyers for Girl Scouts door to door. It was so cute. Just melted my heart to see the two of them walking hand in hand. Life is good. It is very good :)

Home

I started this blog post this morning. What was I thinking!!! It is now 10:00 pm and I am finally getting back to it. Jim and I were talking tonight and he asked me if I was going to finish the blog entry tonight. I told him I had to, my peeps were waiting for an update :) It is nice to have peeps!
Without further a do.....here is what I started this morning.

We arrived home at around 5:00 pm last night. They released us earlier than we thought they would. Yeahhhh...of course the last time that happened we ended up back in the ER with pneumonia so we are hoping to avoid a repeat. She seems to be doing great. Sofie had nacho chips and guacamole for dinner last night which is a major accomplishment considering all she had done.

The dental stuff was done first and it ended up being a little worse than what we had originally thought.  They sealed her teeth, smoothed down all the rough edges to prevent food from being caught in it and filled four teeth on the bottom. He then went about trying to fix her two upper front teeth. Turns out, he wasn't fixing them, he was trying to save them. It didn't work. Her one tooth had an abscess and had to be removed. The other tooth just disintegrated when he tried to remove the decay. There was nothing left to adhere a crown to so Miss Sofie Lu will be without any front teeth until she is 7 or 8. Sadly, removing teeth at this age does not mean that the permanent teeth will come in early. It actually delays there arrival. I feel so bad that she had been walking around with an abscess tooth and none of us had any idea. That is how tough this little girl is. PS...... her wonderful dentist, at the end of his talk with us, asked us if we had dental insurance. We said yes, dental insurance doesn't cover all that much. He then proceeded to tell us that we would not be getting a bill. He was only going to charge us what our insurance covered. He is an amazing man and truly loves what he does. All he does is pediatric dentistry :)

Up next was the ABR, or the Auditory Brainstem Response hearing test. They put electrodes on her forehead and behind her ears and introduce sounds through head phones on her ears. She has to be sedated as there are measuring the auditory nerve's response to the sounds. The test took 2 hours. It felt like the longest two hours of my life. It was worse than waiting for her palate and lip surgery. It is very difficult sitting there waiting for someone to come out and tell you how much your child can hear. It is even more difficult to hear someone tell you that your child has hearing loss. Sofie has mild hearing loss in her LT ear and moderate hearing loss in her RT ear. She will be fitted for hearing aids on Tuesday. Sofie is doing great, talking up a storm. She is so smart. She picks things up like that. Unless you talk loudly and to her LT side all she hears is mumbly gibberish. She has a total of 19 words that she uses on a daily basis although some of them, only Jim, Ainsley and I know what they mean. The rest of the time she just talks non stop....and she does her sign language, sings and laughs and reads books. Yep, her most favorite thing to do is read a book to us. She doesn't want anyone to read it to her, she wants to read it, upside down too! She is good!

I am doing better now. I have had a hard time since her ABR. You already kinda know what the test is going to show, but, to actually hear those words uttered is like a huge blow to your gut. You just want to cocoon them and protect them. She has been through so much already and I just want to make her life as easy for her as I can. I can't and she will do great!!! She is such a fighter. She just goes through life with that great big grin on her face. She is amazing! She has no fear.  I realized today how stressed out I had been about this test. Today was a great big release. It is a process I need to go through and I will get there. I cannot wait to see her when they turn on her hearing aids. Just think of all the things she has been missing.

I wish I could take Sofie and fly all over the world with her and introduce each and every one of you to her. Anyone who has met Sofie and has spent any amount of time with her knows what I am talking about. She is amazing. She effects people. She changes people. People just stop and look and talk to Sofie and are instantly changed, they are happy. They leave the encounter with a huge smile on their face. I see it happen over and over again. It is such a privilege to be a Mom to this little spit fire. It is also amazing to watch Sofie and Ainsley together. They love each other to the core.

One day at a time............. our new adventure begins :)

Thursday

I have not been myself this week. I keep telling myself that there is nothing I can do about it but just deal with whatever happens. I wish "myself" would listen to myself.

Sofie goes for her ABR hearing test and dental work/extractions on Thursday, tomorrow.  I am very stressed out about it for a number of reasons.  I am not too stressed out about the dental stuff, rather, it is the anesthesia and operating room that goes with it that is bothering me. We have just this week almost gotten back to a normal sleep pattern with Sofie since her surgery in July. By normal I mean that the night terrors have only occurred once this week and she has had 3 nights in a row where she didn't wake up at all all night. I hope I didn't just jinx myself!! I am very worried what another experience in the OR and the anesthesia is going to do to her. I pray nothing. I have talked several other Mom's whose kids have gone through the same sleeping problems after surgery. I hope that Thursday doesn't set her back.

I am also very concerned about the hearing test. Not really concerned, but, in turmoil. Part of me wants them to tell us that her hearing is much better than what they originally thought. The downside to this is that it doesn't explain why her speech is not developing. It doesn't explain why the 2 1/2 year old chatter box in China had no  discernible words in Mandarin. Just Chinese baby talk as our guides told us.  I know that some kids just talk later than others. I tell myself that over and over. The thing is that she talks all the time. We just can't quite understand what she is saying. I think it is starting to bother her too. She has started acting out when she is angry or frustrated. She can't communicate what is wrong or what she wants. It is hard to deal with :)

The other part of me is very worried that they will come back and tell us that her hearing is much worse. She has been through so much already. She just needs to be able to hear and then we can deal with whatever else we have to. And then I try to breath.........it is all out my control and I just need to take one day at a time.....wish me heart would listen to my brain.

I am not looking forward to sitting at the hospital waiting for them to come and tell me how much my sweet little baby can hear. Her dental surgery is at 11:45 and takes about an hour and then it is the ABR. It can take anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 1/2 hours. Jim won't tell me if 45 minutes is a good thing or a bad thing :)

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow......

I love watching them play together :)

Before and after

I have been meaning to put this photo together for a while now. I finally got around to it :)

The first is a picture of Sofie prior to her surgery for her palate repair and lip revision. The second is a picture of her after. Anyone who has read my prior posts knows how conflicted I was over having Sofie's lip revised. I was totally and absolutely in love with her sweet little face and I didn't want a single thing to change. She was perfect just the way she was.  I was also very afraid that it would change her smile. Her smile lights up a room and has an amazing effect on people. The practical side of me knew that one day she would be a teenager, and how her lip looked would make a difference. We only want the best for her and want to give her every opportunity to flourish. As you can see, her surgeon did a fantastic job!! He is an amazing person and does amazing work not only in our area, but, he travels to several other countries with a surgical group and gives kids all over the world a new lease on life. We feel blessed that he was able to help Sofie :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

A very warm Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to all our friends and family!! We have so much to be so thankful for this year. We are spending a quiet thanksgiving together this year, just the four of us!

As you carve your turkey this year and sit down with your families, take a look around the table at all your loved ones. Take a really good look, take a breath and take it all in. Say thank you for all that you have and for all whom you love. We are all so very lucky and so very blessed. Life may not be perfect and we may always have stresses and strains in our day to day life, but, we are loved and we have others to love. In the end, that is all that really matters.

We will be saying an extra prayer this year for all the children all over the world who are still searching for the one family that will be their forever family. May many children be able to find the love, comfort and security of a family this year :)