What a day!!!

We have been trying to keep busy and tackle all the things on my to do list before we travel to China. Yes, it is my to do list although Jim is having fun putting all the Ikea furniture together. The play room is starting to come together. We were side tracked today by the dumping of snow that we received last night. I went to bed and it was raining, wake up and we have a whole bunch of wet snow....and then the plow came by....about 4 times! He was nice though and the last time through he tried to dump all the snow from the cul-de-sac in our front yard and not in our drive way which we had just finished digging out after his first three passes. He was a nice guy...of course standing in your driveway staring at him helps too!
Monday I got antsy and emailed the USCIS to nicely inquire is they needed anything else for our I-800 application and did we have an officer yet. No response. That is the problem with email...I want instant feedback. Patience is not one of my strong suits. As anyone who has adopted can attest to, part of your days are spent checking your email about a zillion times, stalking the chat rooms and various blogs from other adoptive parents. Today I finally gave up at about 4:30 and figured I was not going to hear anything today at all and I logged out of my email account, which, I don't normally do until bedtime. After dinner Jim checked the email on his phone and he starts reciting a message:

James and Bonnie,

Your I-800 petition was approved today.  You should receive an approval notice in the mail in a few days.

I wish you the best with the rest of the process.

 I freaked out and started crying as par the course now. Ainsley asked me if that means that we can leave for China tomorrow! I can't believe that it is approved...yeeeaaahhhhhh!!! Now  I have to email the NVC in a few days and request my PDF of my approval that was sent to the US Consulate  so I can email it to my agency and they can send all our other information to to the US Consulate in China so they can issue our Article 5 and China can then start to process our Travel Approval.....I think that is how it goes???? I need to sleep now...ha good luck with that one :)

Retail Therapy

It is amazing what a cathartic blog post, some retail therapy and a good nights sleep can do for one's state of mind. I feel better today, a little more optimistic. Getting it all out of my system definitely helped! The retail therapy was courtesy of a trip to Ikea and the good night's sleep, finally, was courtesy of my new friend melatonin.
I haven't been sleeping well for weeks now. I can go to sleep fine and stay asleep for a couple of hours and then I wake up and my brian starts going a hundred miles a minute. I still wake up, but I am able to fall back asleep with no trouble and there isn't too much of a hangover like with a sleep aid.
Jim and I made the trek to Ikea yesterday. It is not his favorite store! We need a dresser for the girls room and some shelves and cupboards for the new playroom/guest room. Welllllll, the truck was full when we left and we couldn't get the dresser as it wouldn't fit in the truck with all the other stuff. Ooops! It was so much fun buying stuff for Sofie though. This is the first real shopping spree I have had for her. It made me feel awesome and reminded me that we have so much to look forward to. Now, all we have to do is put it all together.....and I still need to go back to Ikea to get the dresser. I will try very hard NOT to fill the truck up this time :)

I am back :)

I have been offline for a while. I just haven't had the energy and I had no idea what to say. Actually I didn't have the strength to say anything....it upset me too much.
Just after the joyous news of our LOA and the aftermath of the paperwork mix up, which is fixed now by the way, we found out that my Father's prostate cancer has returned. We had some idea that something was up but we weren't sure if it was the prostate cancer or if his colon cancer had returned. Colon would have been worse, but,  the prostate cancer suddenly stopped responding to the hormone therapy he has been on. Last Friday he started a new drug treatment regimen. Hopefully this will work as the treatment options get less and less if it doesn't work. His new oncologist told him that it is an aggressive cancer that they need to get under control right away. We are trying to stay positive and up beat....somedays that is harder than other days.
I think that CANCER is probably one of the most vile words that someone can utter to you. It strikes fear and panic in the heart of anyone who hears it. The first time he was diagnosed with cancer I was 8 months pregnant with Ainsley. The irony is not lost on me.
I don't know how I am doing with all of this. I have not the strength yet to explore my feelings or figure out how I am dealing with everything. I am afraid if I do I might not be able to stop crying. This isn't about me anyway, this is about my Dad and my Mom. It is the two of them that I am worried and concerned about. Being 6 hours away from them doesn't help either.
I love my parents more than anything and I would do anything for them. My Dad is my hero. He has taught me so much about how to be a good person and how to treat others and he has done it all by example. Always treat others as you would want to be treated, don't lie, stay true to your word, lead by example, always try your best, work hard, have compassion for others, GO TO SCHOOL, finish what you start and I could go on and on. He is also the type of person who would give you the shirt off his back no questions asked. He would do just about anything for anyone whether they are family, good friend, acquaintance or stranger. When I was growing up, all my friends were always welcomed in our house at any time, even if they all showed up together, and even for dinner unannounced. That is just the kind of people my parents are. I have so many stories to tell....I could just go on and on. I admire him and I always have.
One of the most amazing things I love about him is how much his grandchildren mean to him. They are the light of his life and it shows on his face. He adores them. He sent Ainsley a single red rose in the hospital when she was born. He couldn't be here because of the colon cancer and the chemotherapy.  I have picture of both Ainsley and Sofie on our fridge, it makes me happy when I am sad. When my parents were here at Christmas, my Dad would walk into the kitchen and just stop and look at the pictures, big grin on his face, and utter "she is so cute." It just melted my heart. He did it almost even time he entered the kitchen and I don't even know if he realized that he was doing it.
I just want my Dad, and the world to know how much I love him and that I am here for him always, whatever he needs, just as he has always been here for us.
I really need to get to China and bring our daughter, sister and granddaughter home.....as soon as possible please :)

Happy Day after Valentine's Day

We had a lovely Valentine's Day. Ainsley was so excited about it this year. I made dinner for the three of us and we just sat at the table, had dinner and talked about our day. My input wasn't that awesome.....the highlight was that I had a shower, Jim worked...pretty bad. Ainsley was totally excited that they got to eat one piece of candy while they were at school :)  I think that the waiting is getting harder and harder for Ainsley. She is really missing Sofie and talks about her all the time. She is an amazing little girl, so in touch with this whole process and so in love with her little sister already. Yet, she always counters it with the fact that Sofie is going to cry and scream and be sad when we first meet her. She makes me smile.

We are still waiting for our I-800 approval. No word yet on whether the paperwork parts all found each other. I sent an email to USCIS today to find out as I am tired of waiting for social worker extraordinaire to figure it out. By the way, I have figured out that if I "cc" all my emails that I send to her, to her boss, stuff gets done :) Good to know.

I found a recordable book at Hallmark for Ainsley. I am going to get Jim to record the story in it. It is called "Under The Same Moon" and is a beautiful story for those you love near and far away. It starts like this:

"I see the moon and the moon sees me, and the moon sees somebody I'd like to see. Please let the light that shines on me shine on the ones I love."-Suzanne Berry

I know that Sofie and I smile up at the same moon everyday. I hope she feels the love that is sent her way to keep her safe and happy until we can get to her  :)

Heading back up!!

We are going back up and please let it just keep going up and up and up!!!

This morning, of course, there was no email from any one at the agency....surprise, surprise! I fired off another email to make sure that they received the first email. Finally I get an email from our China Specialist, she is the one who made the mistake, telling me to take a deep breath and not to worry. We will fix the problem and she doesn't want me getting an ulcer over all of this. Nice that she is sooooo worried about me. How about she just stops trying to give me an ulcer?? A correct I-797 was emailed to the USCIS and I know it was  as she cc'd me when she sent it. Yes, I double checked to make sure it was the right one....fool me once!!!! Notice the lack of an apology in her email. Well, little did she know that in a separate email, I forwarded the problem to her supervisor. I received at very nice apologetic email form the head of the China program. She even used the word "sorry" and thanked me for catching the error. She then said that our specialist would let me know when she heard back from the USCIS. The one good thing about this, I got the fedex tracking number from her email to the USCIS. Our paperwork was dropped off and signed for at 9:38 this morning. Now the email and the paperwork just need to find each other.

Sorry is a lost art...a word not too often used. Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes. Own up to your mistakes, fix the problem and apologize, then move on. Apologies go a long way in deflecting anger and mending fences. Just my two cents :)

The Rollercoaster

It is so amazing how 24 hours can completely change your point of view and your mood. Today I finally decided to read through the pdf file that our agency sent us of the I-800 application. Every agency does this process a little different I think. Our agency sends our I-800 to the USCIS for us. This step always left me with some trepidation as I was putting faith in our agency that it would be sent in without any mistakes and I wasn't going to be able to look it over first. WOW, am I smart. I should have been worried!!

For anyone who has followed our blog for a while, you will remember a point last year when our I-800 A acceptance letter was wrong. It approved us for a "healthy" child. I really hate using those terms..healthy and special needs...someone needs to come up with better terminology. Our agency didn't catch the mistake for a couple of months ????? but as it was the USCIS mistake it was easily corrected and I received a new approval which I forwarded to our agency. The I-800 (keep up with me people) needs the I-800 A approval letter to be sent with the application........are you seeing where this is going!!! You guessed it, they put the wrong acceptance in the I-800 application. I have no idea if this is a big deal, easy corrected or I have to wait to be denied approval by the USCIS and then refile...that will add a few extra weeks to the whole process.  It is Sunday and I can't get a hold of anyone.  Needless to say I went from floating somewhere over the rainbow on cloud nine to a face plant on the kitchen floor with no parachute.  I think I actually hit rock bottom before I bounced up a little. I have gone into survival mode. I refuse to feel anything as I don't think it will be pretty and I am afraid I might never be able to stop crying, at least until I am on a plane home from China.

People often compare the journey of adoption to a roller coaster ride....one minute you are up the next you are down! I dislike roller coasters immensely. I want off this one NOW......I did not buy the extended amusement park pass and I don't want to be here anymore. I would like a little more than 3 days of over the top excitement and bliss before the big mean ugly world comes and slaps me in the face. Thank you for listening....that was probably the biggest pity party I have thrown so far...and it felt good to get it off my chest. Wish me luck tomorrow :)

I-800

Our I-800 left today for I think the lockbox in Texas. This whole next process completely confuses me and I need to sit down and figure this out tomorrow. Nobody holds your hand for the next few weeks as we navigate US Immigration.....only those who have been there before and done that!!!

Jim came by my work today to pick up the LOA and copy it and then take it to our agency. He worked all night and then drove half way across town to pick it up and then the rest of the way across town to drop it off and then back home. What a guy!!! He personally handed it to our social worker and at 9:45 this morning she emailed me to let me know that our I-800 just left the building via a courier for parts unknown, as least by me as I have a lot of reading to do about it now. I am so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Handing the LOA off to Jim this morning was a step for me. I am a control freak!!! I know, many of you are shocked by this revelation. I have been in charge of every adoption document, every appointment, every US government form for the last 2 1/2 years. I was amazed that I was able to hand over THE MOST IMPORTANT document in adoption history to someone else to look after. I have made huge progress in just one day. He did a great job and probably a better job than I would have. I would have been an emotional wreck. So, thank you sweetie for doing such an awesome job...I appreciate it. Of course, I had to text him just to make sure that everything was OK and it was dropped off in the right place and no one lost it blah blah blah.....baby steps OK. I can't completely change in one day.

I am still on an emotional high followed by bouts of happy crying. It was so awesome to watch Jim today as his whole demeanor has changed. He is a cautious, optimistic person....it will happen when it happens. Today was the first day that I saw on his face "she is really our daughter and this is really going to happen." We have been through so much the last 2 1/2 to 3 years. It taught you to be cautious and to not really get your hopes up too much. Well, it taught Jim that, me, I just keep jumping in with both feet and not looking where I am going first. I can't help it. I am off to bed and hopefully to sleep. Have a good night :)

LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

I was at work today when the phone rang for me. Ainsley wasn't feeling very well this morning so I figured it was the school calling for me to come pick her up. Imagine my surprise when it was my agency calling. I will never forget the words that she uttered....we have your LOA....and then the tears started! I just bawled my eyes out and couldn't stop shaking....I couldn't think, move and I could barely breathe. She kept asking me if I was OK and I kept saying yes......everyone at work was just smiling at me watching me totally lose it. I left work early to go pick up the LOA. There was no way I was trusting that document to the US Postal Service or anyone else for that matter!! Our agency is on my way home from work so it worked out well. As I was leaving the agency's office, a song came on the radio. It was the same song that usually plays in the car as I am driving around. It is "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri........."and all along I believed I would find you
                  Time has brought your heart to me
                  I have loved you for a thousand years
                  I'll love you for a thousand more....
                  .....one step closer.....one step closer"

Well, this song usually ends up with me in tears and almost unable to drive. It was so amazing...I am literally one block away from the agency on my way home with our LOA in my hand. By the time I got home I was an even bigger mess than before. That song just touches my heart like nothing else.

So to explain...the LOA is really known as the "Letter of Seeking Confirmation From Adopter." It is China's final approval for you to adopt and your confirmation that you are willing to proceed. It has to be signed and dated and given back to our agency. This document gets sent back to the CCCWA in China so that they can begin to process our TA or travel approval. It is also the document that needs to be filed with US Immigration to begin the process to classify Sofie as an adooptee and immediate relative (I-800) and begin the processing of her Application for Immigrant Visa (DS-230). Yes, all that stuff needs to be done before China will issue our TA.
Tomorrow we will drop the LOA back off at the agency and they will send in our I-800 application to US Immigration. This step alone could take as long as 4 weeks so we are probably still 3 months away from traveling to China. The most awesome think about the LOA, other than I needed it, is that I can now put Sofie's pictures on my blog and I don't need the other blog anymore.
So, without further hesitation.....Miss Sofie Lu Jingjing...

I couldn't decide on which picture so I included  all of them.

And here is the document that everyone waits for:

Day 65

So I think that this is what I have been dreading and one of the reasons why I have been so out of sorts this week. Waiting is hard and it stinks. Watching other people get their LOA's who have waited the same time or less time than you really stinks. Don't get me wrong, I am super happy for them and so very glad that they got their LOA's because no one should have to wait like this. I am so happy that they are one step closer to bringing their child into a loving home. It is just human nature to feel a little left behind. I cannot imagine how the people who have been waiting for over 100 days must feel. I feel so awful for them and I do not know how they do it!!  Oh well, chin up and onward we go!!!
I feel that one of the responsibilities I have as a soon to be adoptive parent, is to dispel some of the misconceptions that people have about adoption, to educate and inform people about the process and the journey.  I must admit that before we had started on this adventure some of the questions that we, as adoptive parents, are asked I probably would have asked too! All the classes that you go to and the books you read teach you to look at adoption through the eyes of you child. They are being taken away from all that is familiar and all that they know and thrust into a world with foreign sounds, smells, language and people.
So, for my part, here are 10 questions not to ask adoptive parents and the author's answers to them. The challenge you have when you are asked an inappropriate or difficult question is to remember the response that you had thought of previously. Usually, you are so stunned and taken off guard that you never remember all the fantastic answers that you had thought up before.

While I may not agree with all of the answers or it may not be how I would answer the questions, I found this quite enlightening.

http://www.babble.com/baby/baby-care/parenting-advice-adoption-adoptive-parents/?page=1

Not a great day

Today was not one of my more stellar days for reasons I won't get into right now. If some of you recall from a post in November, I mentioned how it was the day the shared list came out and I was in a foul mood putting up Christmas decorations outside when my neighbor came up to me with a prayer shawl that she had knit. It did, still and will always mean the world to me. It did the trick and we were matched with our daughter that night.
Today, in my foul mood, I went to the mail box to get yesterdays mail as I can't seem to remember to pick up the mail until the next day. There was a small envelope from a family friend who lives in Western Canada... actually he is more like and uncle and grandpa. I opened the envelope and inside was a lovely note and the set of stamps from Canada Post that were issued to commemorate CNY..the year of the dragon! I, of course as is par for the course, started crying and could barley read the letter. I finally managed to calm down and the letter was so sweet wishing us a speedy end to the wait and the joyous celebration after. This was probably one of the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful gestures that I have received. It is something that will go in Sofie's memory book and something that we will treasure forever. It was also something that was much needed by me and for that I will be eternally grateful! Thanks so much....your kindness means more than you will ever know :)

The last day of CNY

It was the last day of CNY(chinese new year..it take too long to type). It is the end of the lunar new year celebration. Traditionally today is the day of the lantern festival and dumplings are the most common food eaten. To celebrate, we had a dumpling dinner with friends and Ainsley and her friend had their own lantern parade and they performed their version of the dragon dance. It was quite entertaining.

Today is day 63 of our LOA wait. Someone emailed me today and told me that she feels that our LOA will come this week!! I hope she is right. I am too emotional to even start to hope.
I have a ton to say, but it will have to wait until another blog entry. I am tired and too drained to get into it tonight....that and I can no longer remember most of what I wanted to say. I will probably think of it at about 3:00 am. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.....right????   :)

DAY 59

Today is day 59 of the LOA wait. It is the "unofficial" average length of wait when you are LID before LOI. I did OK for most of the day....until I got home. I think it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am now a complete and total wreck. Everything seems to set me off into an emotional puddle of jelly. That is me...I am now Jell-o! I am trying to pull up my socks and get on with life. Why do men seem to deal with this so much better than women do?
Someone said it perfectly today. It is like you have pregnancy hormones and PMS together and there is a reason, my friends, why they do not go together :)