Our new and second blog

OK I have done it. I am a techy genius!!!! All of our referral information that I wish to share along with PHOTOS are on our new blog. You will need the password to access it so you will have to email me at bonnie.ducharme@yahoo.com to get it. I don't feel comfortable publishing her information on the general web until nothing can go wrong. That will be in about 4 months. I will explain all that in another post when my fingers stop hurting from all the typing. I will now attempt to set up a link to our new blog on this blog........good luck.

In case I fail here it is http://onourwaytosofielu.tumblr.com I am also having problems accessing the new blog from my iPhone. I will work on the problem.

We are soooooooo happy :)

Sorry

Sorry about the last post. 4 hours staring at a computer trying to set up something when you have no idea what you are doing is realllllllly frustrating. I have it figured out though. I cannot post pictures or her information on our blog, it will be on a password protected blog. The adoption won't proceed until we have our LOA (letter of acceptance) from China. Until then it is provisional. You can email me at bonnie.ducharme@yahoo.com and I will send you the password.

The blog is http://onourwaytosofielu.tumblr.com

I haven't posted anything there yet but I will do it tonite. I promise. It has been a couple of crazy super emotional days. Looking at your child for the first time will do that to you :)

Good news

Monday evening we received a phone call with a referral. I can't post any details or photos right now. I am trying to set up another blog that is password protected so I can give out details and most importantly photos!!!!! I have been trying to set up the blog for 3 hours now and I am tired and kinda crabby. If anyone has any insight on how to do this.......I beg you for help :)

People are Awesome

I was in a foul, crabby mood today. The waiting game just gets harder and harder. You just don't want to get your hopes up for fear of the crash that will occur but you don't know how else to feel.

I was outside today putting up Christmas lights trying to get in the holiday spirit when my neighbor from across the street came over to visit. She told me that she always reads my blog (thank you, I am so glad I am not the only one who reads it) and she thought we could use something. She then gave me a hand knit prayer shawl, produced by her own two hands, that is gorgeous! I was speechless and overwhelmed! I hope she knows how much I needed that lift today and how much we will treasure her gift always and forever! Thank You from the bottom of my heart :)

The Next List

There has been one confirmed report that the next shared list will be released on Monday Nov 28 in the evening. The report did not come from my agency as I usually find out from other sources before they ever tell me. I will not find out anything official from my agency about the release until Monday morning as everything here is closed for the weekend....except for Target etc..!!!:)

Same process as last time, could get a call Monday anytime between 7 pm and 11 pm and then again on Thursday night.

I am not sure if I will stay up Monday night or if I will just go to bed with my phone???? I am not sure how I even feel this time around. The first list was sooo exciting and the second list was such an emotional crash that I am not quite sure how to feel about this one, the third list. I do know that we have done everything we could do to try to help our chances of finding our daughter. We will find each other when we are supposed to find each other no matter how hard we pray and hope......or maybe this is just my way of protecting my heart from being crushed again :)

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Happy Thanksgiving #2 to all those celebrating for the second time and Happy Thursday for all of you not celebrating. I am very thankful for my wonderful husband who puts up with all my crazy plans and ideas, my daughter who puts a smile on my face everyday, my family for all their wonderful support and love and my friends for always listening to me and caring. I am also very thankful for our youngest daughter who has yet to be made known to us! May she have a great day today and feel the love we send her way.

I am so blessed and so thankful for all that I have been given and the life that I am able to lead.

OK, now I need to get going....I have dinner to make, Christmas lights to put up and a bathroom ceiling to sand! Have a great day!!! :)

It Has Begun!

Bathroom Renovation 2011 (the budget episode) has begun. Today I sent a few emails to our adoption agency, put away fall jackets, made dinner, worked out and scraped the popcorn texture off of the bathroom ceiling. Yes, that is me being the general contractor. I hope I know what I am doing or the ceiling is going to blow the entire budget for the bathroom! I made a huge mess and it took me longer to clean it up than it took to scrap the texture off. Did I mention that this is the powder room on the main floor!!!!! FUN FUN FUN...stay tuned :)

Bathroom Reno- The BEFORE Pictures

Ok...here is the bathroom before. I haven't done any demolishing yet but I will post more as we progress.

Thinking.......

I have been trying to compose this post for a few weeks now and the only time I am able to organize my thoughts is when I am trying to fall asleep. Not really convenient. Warning...this is probably going to end up being a long post!

I don't know if it is the fact that the holidays are QUICKLY approaching, but I have been thinking a lot about the fact that our daughter is already living in an orphanage and her birth mother has already had to endure the agonizing decision to place her daughter for adoption. I had not thought that we would be spending another Christmas without our daughter, let alone that we still would not even have a picture of her. That is the hand that we have been given, so be it...we will continue to wait for her ever so patiently ( sort of patiently, as patient as I can be as those of you who know me can attest to).

My heart aches for her China Mother. We have the pain in our hearts of waiting for our child to enter our lives, she has the pain in her heart of loss, knowing she will never see her sweet child again, yet, she will suffer quietly and stoically, knowing that she is doing what she feels is best for her child and her future. This, to me, other that laying down your life for someone, is the ultimate selfless act.

As some of you may know, Jim is also adopted and grew up in a wonderful, loving family. Just before Ainsley was born, he had the opportunity to connect with his birth mother. It has been a fantastic, wonderful experience and probably not how most reunions progress. We have been very lucky to get to know both her and her family and we will probably always remain close to all of them.

She once visited us for a weekend with her daughter and grand daughter. Something she said just resonated with me and I have always remembered her words. In a conversation we were all having she made the statement that there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think of him, her child. She always believed that she had made the right decision for him, but, she always thought of him. As a mother, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. I feel fortunate that our lives have come full circle and that we have all been able to get to know each other.

I am also well aware that our daughter will probably never get to experience that, it rarely happens in Chinese adoptions. There is little and, most frequently, no information available regarding the children's lives prior to the orphanage. Finding birth families is more often that not an impossible task. There just simply are not any records available and you are usually not given any information other than how they were found. We will probably never be able to tell her birth mother that her daughter is happy and doing great and our daughter will never have the chance to ask why her mother made the decision of adoption.

Our daughter's birth mother will always have a special place in my heart, one mother to another. I will always feel honored that she gave us the opportunity to be parents to her child and I will never take that responsibility lightly just as I know that she did not make her decision lightly.

There is a book that I read to Ainsley and I would like to share a quote from it with you. The book is about a little girl adopted from China and the three names that she has been given.

"My first name was whispered to me by my first mother when I was born. It's someplace in my heart" "I make a beautiful star for the name I only heard once, the name before my remembering."

"My second name is from the land I was born in and said good-bye to." "At the orphanage I was given my second name."

"My third name is my ni hao, my hello, full of love. I am love arrived in this place, this family."- the name my family gave me.

-"Three Names Of Me" by Mary Cummings

Mandarin Chinese-lesson one

Here are some common words and phrases. The official language in China is Mandarin. Please excuse any mistakes, I don't actually know how to say any of these. I will first list the Pinyin(chinese word), then how to pronounce it, then the English translation. Here we go.

Ni Hao ( knee how) Good day

Xie-xie ni ( syeah-syeah nee) thank you

Zai jian ( dzai gee-en) goodbye

mei mei (may may) little sister

jie jie (da jie) big sister

ma ma (maa ma) mommy

ba ba (baa ba) daddy

:)

November is here

Yesterday the weather definitely took a turn in the colder direction. The winter jackets finally came out and fall appears to be over. The main sign that fall is over, the sunporch has been closed up for the season! It was a sad day. It is my most favorite room in the entire house, the room in my garden. I love sitting out there watching my beautiful flowers and weeds grow and cursing the rabbits for eating the beautiful flowers but not the weeds. I really can't complain, this is the longest that I have ever been able to sit in the porch. The dogs miss it too. It was the best "sunning room." Now they are wondering where the sun went?

This is also the time of year that I start Christmas cards, shopping, the Christmas photo albums and so on. I am having a hard time getting going, so, we have decided to renovate a bathroom instead! Always a great idea when you are in the middle of a stressful adoption and it has to be finished by Christmas. At least we picked the smallest bathroom to renovate. I will post photos as we go. Just an FYI, adoption is expensive, so this will be the bathroom reno done on an extreme budget. Here we come IKEA!!!!!

I finished making our Christmas card on Shutterfly yesterday and ordered it for a sweet 40 percent off and free shipping. See, there is an up side to a bad economy, as long as you have a job

:( Sadly, we did not do our usual photo shoot with my friend who is an awesome photographer so there will be no photo books this year Grandmas and Grandpas! It was very hard to try to schedule it between all our schedules and to be honest, I just wasn't really looking forward to it. Last year was so difficult. I sat through the whole photo shoot thinking that someone is missing from these pictures and it showed on my face. I could hardly smile. I just couldn't do it this year. Ainsley and I spent an afternoon in the backyard with the dogs and took some very nice pictures. I plan on having the biggest photo shoot ever once our whole family is together. The Christmas card was also hard to make. I waited as long as I could in hopes that I would have another little photo to add to Ainsley's. The dogs substituted this year as our other children :) 40 % off is too great of a deal to pass up!

Not much else is new. The bathroom reno will start this weekend.......maybe. OH yeah, I still have Christmas lights to put up and a couple of shrubs to cover up outside. Maybe it will start on Monday. How far away is Christmas????????????????

Touched My Heart

I read this at breakfast and it just touched my heart:

Kisses In The Wind (The Waiting Child's Lullabye)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.

You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long.

But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...

Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.

And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

---Pamela Durkota

Mondays

I awoke this morning at 7:00 am to the sounds of a six year, who normally sleeps until 8:00-8:30 am (thank you day light savings), stating " what day is it today? Is it Sunday or Monday?" "Monday" I reply. "I hate Mondays" states said six year old.

I am going to think of this Monday as a new beginning, a new day. The end of last week and the start of a brand new week. It helps that it is sunny and almost 50 degrees outside in November!

The last couple of weeks have been trying and very stressful. We have persevered through the shared list being released then not released then released on the 31 but not getting a call, the death of a family friend, and then I found a file for a 4 year old little girl on the special focus list the day after the shared list came out. We couldn't look at her file until after the Thursday night list as you cannot look at two files at the same time. Last Friday, we received her file and had it reviewed by an International Adoption doctor who was very concerned about her cognitive delay. We received an update on her this morning and although her medical needs are within our capabilities, she has some large cognitive issues. So this morning we had to decline her referral. That is three now that we have declined.

Monday is a new day....a new week........a new beginning. I like Mondays :)

The words from a 6 year old

Ainsley and I sat on the stairs this morning and had a talk about her sister. You see, Ainsley seems to think that she will be able to pick her up and help carry her around. She has no concept as to how big a 2-4 year old is and that they may not like being picked up and carted along. I showed her that her sister might be as tall as her shoulder. I was then informed that 2 year olds come up to her waist....and I got the "look", and then a mmmmmm from her. So I proceeded to explain to her think of all the fun you guys could have together, riding bikes, scooters and playing dolls. The comment back to me "she is going to be too big for the other bike we have." Trying not to laugh because that makes her angry when you do that, I explained that we could get a new bike for her. " oh, OK, and a helmet too!" says Ainsley. Yes I say, a helmet too. She then continues with " we need to get her some toys too because not all my toys are going to be "propriate" for her. It is not appropriate by the way, it is "propriate". Good luck changing her mind with that one, I have tried. This is so adorable from the little girl who has gone through every toy catalogue and circled the stuff for her, the toys for her sister and the toys that they can share....the propriate toys. :)

The end of November can't come quick enough.

Thinking of words

I been sitting here staring at the screen trying to think of what to say. I am drawing a blank. Tonight is the night that the referrals that were declined are returned back to the list and the agencies try to make more matches. Normally, I would be stressed out and going crazy and announcing it to everyone everywhere. I have nothing tonight. I am not expecting a match or anticipating one either. I am not even sad?

November is National Adoption Month. There are so many children out there who need a family, domestically and internationally. The trend, I fear, is moving away from international adoption. Many organizations are lobbing against adoption to another country and more toward the child remaining in their country of birth. I am all for that. Adoption is not the answer to the orphan crisis. No child should have to leave their homeland to find the love and acceptance of a family. This only exists in fantasy right now, yet some organizations advocate against adoption. These same organizations have yet to come up a plan or solution to assist these countries in keeping and caring for these children. And who continues to suffer the most through all the political BS....the children! Always the children suffer. I don't know what the solution is....I have no idea.

I fear the winds are changing in China. No one knows what is going on or what the CCCWA is thinking. They don't talk much. Something is changing though. I just pray that we are not too late again and that our daughter finds us and we find her. We need each other. I do know that we are in this for the long haul. I do not have the emotional stamina nor the desire to do more paperwork to change again and start all over. So, we will continue to have faith and perseverance.....and the occasional emotional breakdown.

I am going to bed soon. I will not be up waiting until 11:00 pm for the phone to ring. That just about killed me on Monday. I will sleep with my cell phone though.........just in case! Good luck to everyone tonight :)

My Halloween Gobblins

Anybody seen some pumpkin wranglers around here?
Shiloh the wonder horse..she ate the stuffed cowboy that was riding on her back!
Ainlsey the cowgirl. I was informed that "cowgirls only have lassos not guns, Mommy"

Halloween 2011 Ainlsey, Domino and Shiloh..............I love these guys. They make me smile :)

No news

Well, we didn't hear anything last night. No phone call, no referral, no nothing. It was the longest night of my life. We are doing OK. I am not sure what to think or feel so I am going with nothing right now. Not much else to say. I am going to try to post the pictures from Halloween.

Just got an update from our agency. Very few girls were added to the list last night. I am not holding out much hope for Thursday now as those are referrals from Monday that were not accepted. November here we come!!!!!!