HALLOWEEN

BOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Hope all the happy trick or treaters have a safe but fun day.

I am posting now as I know I won't have time later. I had a fitful sleep last night but that could have been all the chocolate I ate before I went to bed :( I don't have much else to say. Just very nervous and excited all at the same time. I pray that we find each other today :)

One more sleep

One more sleep to go! I am very excited, nervous and stressed out!

I did finish Ainsley's Halloween costume and Shiloh the dog has her horse costume on, getting ready for her photo shoot. She is a real happy doggie right now. I am getting the most pathetic look from her!

Hope we get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. Doctor's appt in the morning, Ainsley's school party in the afternoon, trick or treating and handing out treats all while Jim has to work a 24 hour shift. Bring on Monday!!!!!!!!

THE LIST

It is official..........the shared list will be released late Monday night, Tuesday morning in China. I found out at work today and just lost it. I was so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I pulled it together quickly though! We could get a call anytime between 8 pm and 11pm Monday night or as early as 6 am Tuesday morning. We then also have a chance to be matched again late Thursday evening when all the referrals that were refused go back to the list. EVERYONE say prayers, cross your fingers,toes, legs and whatever else you can cross. I hope we find our daughter :)

A Much Better Day

The "pity" party is over. Today I feel much more positive and confident. I don't know if it is the 52 degree sunny day or what, but it is working. No more self pity.......we will see how long that lasts for! I am thankful for everything we have and all we have been blessed with. NO, I didn't get into the stash of Halloween Candy today either.

After I finished my post last night I found a blog that was set up for parents who have adopted children from Ethiopia to help compile stories of adoptions from Ethiopia with ethical problems. I occasionally check the Ethiopia pages to catch up and see what is going on with adoptions in the country. We know people from Ethiopia and it has been a situation that touched my heart for many reasons. So many children need homes and so many will never find their forever families all because of the stupidity and greed of the few. Anyway, I could go on and on. The situation occurs because of a number of factors, birth families lie, unethical in country practices and agencies. I am sure most adoptions are legal and straightforward and most of the agencies are ethical and do their best. This could be debated forever. I continue to read the blog and all the families stories about how they found out that their child was given up without the mother's consent, the discovery of living birth parents when the adoptive families were told they were dead. I felt so awful for these families and the nightmare that they have fallen into.

Suddenly it was like a light was turned on and a ton on bricks came and hit me in the head. We were so close to maybe having this happen to our family. At the time that we withdrew from Ethiopia, we were probably fairly close to reaching the stage where we might have been matched with a child. At that point I realized that we are exactly where we need to be and in the program that we should be in. We just took the long windy way to get here. Life is funny and unpredictable......and also very precious :)

I have no idea

I couldn't think of a title. That's as good as it gets. The only other thing that comes to mind is 'waiting'.......been there done that! I feel like I am on a roller coaster. Some days up, some days down........some hours up...some down. Wow, that sound kinda depressing.

OK, new topic. Jim has been working straight days 7-3 M-F. The past couple of weeks he has come home with many stories of surgeries at work done on adoptive girls from China. This is rare. I can count on one hand the number of surgeries on adoptive kids that he has talked about. Why in the last couple of weeks has there been soooo many. I would love to be able to chalk it up to divinity or karma, but, I am too pessimistic to put much faith in that. Part of me is able to, the other part, not so much. I have been let down too much, yet I still have faith. I cling to that part that just wants to believe that this is a sign from above, but, if not, I don't think I can handle the emotional crash. I know that she is out there, I can feel her. We just need to find her. I do have faith!

I think I need to stop blogging after 9 pm. I get far too philosophical and emotional! OH well, I have been paper pregnant for about 2 years now!!!!!!

I will let you know Friday where we stand with the release of the shared list. Cross your fingers and say a few prayers.

Here's to awesome family and good friends! Thanks for supporting us :)

Clarification

Apparently I confused the heck out of my mother with my rambling last night. Sorry Mom! I will find out this coming Friday if the shared list will be released on Monday Oct 31 (boo!!!) We then have a possibility of a match late on the evening of the 31 or again on the Thursday Nov 3. I did start Ainsley's costume today. I just have the vest to finish and then I am done. Dad has to make the lasso. I don't know what I was thinking when I decided I can make my own pattern for a vest !!!!!! We will see how it turns out :)

No list today.....waiting

Seems most of my posts lately are centered around the word waiting. We do a lot of that. I spend a lot of time on a blog called chinaadopttalk.com connecting and chatting on line with others like me who wait. It is a community unlike no other where people just understand, no explanation necessary. Everyone has been through this process or is going through it. I am not saying that friends and family don't try to understand, they do, it is just if you haven't gone through this before it is impossible to explain it. Waiting stinks but it is a necessary thing that one must do to accomplish the end result.

No shared list tonight. Maybe on October 31 rst, I should know for sure by Friday, maybe. Nothing is ever really written in stone especially with China. They just don't like to give out any information before the event actually happens.....hence the waiting. Turns out I was right in the first place :) Take that people who say I am not good at math.

I have done a lot of bargaining with the big guy upstairs this week. I told him I just want a photo of our little pea pod and then I don't care how long the process takes after that just as long as I have a picture and I can give her a name. Remind me of that after we have a referral and I start freaking out over how long everything else is taking, it is quite the process by the way. Lots of paperwork! I envy those who haven't had a referral yet but have given their child a name. I don't want to call her my little pea pod or the second child anymore but I don't want to do anything to jeopardize the process either. Jim is much more practical. He says what if you name her and she doesn't look like the name. I told him, and it is not very PC, she is going have dark hair and eyes and be Chinese. That's enough for me. I do have a name picked out but I haven't dared utter it to a single soul other than Jim, and Ainsley too! She doesn't like it though so she has probably forgotten it so don't even try.

We are trying to get ready for Halloween. Costumes not done yet, tomorrow I promise. I will have to ban myself from the computer. Well, hopefully this Halloween will be like no other!!!!!!

Let's just call this one Friday

Well, math still stinks!!!! So after I used all my brain cells up figuring out the prior post......I was probably wrong. Go figure, that never happens to us. NO emails confirming the release of the list to any agency today so the shared list will probably not come out on Monday the 24. Two scenarios come to play. Monday Oct 31, again, or not at all!!! I am going for the 31, I can't even process the no list scenario at all yet. Adoption is such an inexact science, as soon as you think you have it figured out, someone changes the rules......kinda like raising children :)


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Math is hard

I am such a goof ball!!!!! So I have been stressing out because the next shared list comes out on Halloween......well it probably won't. I totally forgot to factor in that the list comes out the last Tuesday of the month in China which is a Monday night here. Well the last Tuesday of the month is October 25 which means the list should be out here on Monday the 24! None of this is set in stone and could change. I should know something concrete by the end of this week.
I found out through a chat room online and my stomach immediately did a flip flop and then the nerves and butterflies started again. Wow, how stuff changes in 48 hours. I will try to remain calm for the next week but I can't make any promises :)


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Waiting and waiting

Not much new to report! We wait and wait :) The week after the referrals came out brought some much needed relief...back to normal stuff, lunches, dinner, laundry and work! The last week has been kinda tough. It is like building anticipation and stress waiting for the end of the month to come. It is kinda like you are in limbo....your life goes back to the same old stuff but you are still stuck waiting. It is so hard to explain. I have read many peoples blogs and they say they blog to keep people informed but also as an emotional release. It is like baring a little piece of your soul everytime you post a message, you are letting people into a very private place but at the same time it is a release. You let a little bit of anguish go each time.
OK so enough of that. As you can tell it has been a week!
Jim just got back from Mexico again. He was there on his mission trip to do cleft lip/palate surgeries on some much deserving kids! They did 40 surgeries in two days and worked each day from 7am-10pm. He was tired but it is a trip that is well worth it. You just think of how many kids lives you have completely changed in two short days. These kids can't eat or speak properly or at all and in one surgery so much changes for them! They still have a long road ahead of them and probably more surgeries but they are given a real chance at a "normal" life. As Ainsley calls them, the kids with "ouwies" on their lips :)
Halloween is coming up quick. Ainsley wants to be a cowgirl and the dogs have their costumes all ready. Ainsley wanted them to be horses, so, Shiloh is a horse and Domino will be the sheriff. I will post pictures :)




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The Wait Continues

Every thursday after "the list" comes out, the referrals that are not accepted are released back to the list. Last thursday we received another call with a referral which, sadly, we had to decline as well. After a medical review we decided that her medical needs we beyond what we could handle. Declining two referrals in one week, while exciting, is also an emotionally draining thing to do. We are hanging in there and we know we made the right decision. The next list should come out Oct 31.......Halloween....and Jim works a 24 hour shift! I am going to have to do the next wait solo...should be interesting!


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Location:The wait continues