6 Months Ago Today

Where do I even start with Day 14 of Thankfulness! Today, it has been 6 months since we met a very quiet, scared little girl in the Civil Affairs Office of Hefei, Anhui Province, China. It has gone by so fast that I cannot believe it has been 6 months already, yet, it feels like she has been a part of our family forever.

 Sofie on our Family Day May 14, 2012 Hefei China

......and Sofie now!!!!

I look back at the pictures and I cannot believe how much Sofie has changed. Her eyes that were once so blank are now so full of life.....and that smile!!!!! 

Today also fills me with so much emotion. This little girl has added so much to both mine and Jim's life, but, also an enormous amount to Ainsley's life. She has given us more than we can or ever will be able to give her. Her addition to our family has created a most wonderful relationship......... sisters. To be able to witness the bond of sisterhood form between two little girls is a tremendous honor and such an awe inspiring thing. They truly love and adore each other. I am so very thankful for that :)

I am thankful for all the twists and turns, ups and downs that led us to each other.  As difficult as they were at the time, I truly believe that we were supposed to find each other. I know not everyone thinks that way, but, for us it rings true. If one thing had gone differently or been completed faster, we both would not have been in the place we both needed to be at in order for her referral to find us.  

If you had asked me 6 months ago where I thought we would be at right now at this moment, I would have said that all of Sofie's surgeries for now would be done and we would be settled into a schedule and a routine. We would have speech therapy already underway and life would be a little more predictable. You think I would have learned by now that life has surprises in store for you all the time and it usually doesn't work out quite how you think it will. I did not imagine that at this point we would still be undergoing medical tests and seeing more specialists. I did not imagine that hearing aids and audiology appointments were in our future either. It is what it is and we can handle anything. All I have to do is watch Sofie for a couple of minutes at any particular doctor's office and it totally puts me back in my place. This little girl can handle anything that life throws at her. The least we can do is be there to support her and provide her with all the tools she needs to succeed. She is amazing, much stronger than I ever could be. She has survived so much and never seems frustrated or overwhelmed, unless, you tell her that she can't have any more Halloween candy!!!! She always seems to lead us through every difficult moment with her little smile that says "come on guys you can do this. We can do anything together."

I have come to realize that I have not had very many fuzzy warm posts on the blog lately. We have had to handle a lot of stuff and this is a way for me to get it out and deal with it. If you are looking for a fuzzy blog you have come to the wrong one!!  I hope, though, that I am not coming across as too whiny and complaining or a drama queen. I also write this blog with the hopes of helping just one adoptive family get through the wait or helping them prepare for what happens once they get home with their new family. I feel I would be doing them a disservice if I sugarcoated everything. It is difficult, all of it, from beginning to after you are home. The first 6 months home are really hard. It is OK....it does get better. The moments of joy far outweigh the heartache. It is the hardest, most rewarding best thing we have ever done. I would do everything all over again and not change a thing. We have been given challenges that we were not expecting, but, that is the joy of adoption. You never know what you are getting into, but, you find out how strong you are as an individual and as a family. You find out that you truly can handle anything that life throws your way......all you need is that high voltage super awesome smile and all is right and good with the world :)

Our very first Sofie smile!!!!!!

Day 13

Today, I am very thankful for our medical insurance. If you had asked me that last year I would have said no. Turns out, it is pretty good insurance when you really need pretty good insurance. We are very thankful and realize that others are not so lucky. It is one less thing to have to worry about :)

Genetics Appointment Done

Well, we got stuck in traffic because it snowed 1/4 inch, in Minnesota. Totally slowed everything down and I ended up being late for our appointment even though I left early. Fortunately, everyone else was late too so it ended up being no problem.

They examined Sofie from head to toe and the genetics counsellor, nurse practitioner and the Geneticist  all determined that Sofie in no way has any type of syndrome and in fact her hearing loss has nothing to do with her cleft. Yeah!!!!........say what????? It had not even entered my mind that Sofie's hearing loss could be independent of her cleft. No one had ever mentioned it, at all. I was stunned, shocked and for a change at a total loss for words. Even Jim was wondering what was going on with me. It took me all day to process it. It still doesn't change anything....but what a curve ball. At one point they stated that they thought her hearing loss was due to chronic ear infections and may get better. That was the part that left my brain racing. It took me all day to figure out why. It would be great if that happened. The only problem is, and this is what my little brain was trying to wrap itself around all day, there was no indication of any ear infections in any of her medical files. I do realize that the information from China is not always totally truthful, but, even her Love Without Boundaries information said nothing about ear infections. She hasn't had a single ear infection since she came home and, in fact, when they put her ear tubes in, there was no fluid in the ear at all. I am being cautiously optimistic on this one.

The other cause of her hearing loss could still be a genetic issue. There is one protein on a chromosome that is associated with hearing loss. It is called the Connexin 26 or Connexin 30. It has been shown to be the cause of hearing loss in a number of ethnic groups. They will therefore run a full genetic sequence on Connexin 26 and 30 to determine if that is the cause. She will also have a CT Scan of her ears to rule out any boney abnormality. And then again, we may never know why and that is OK too :)

The CT Scan is on November 23 and the genetic results take as long as 4 weeks.

Day 12

Today I am thankful for these little feet. They are so very precious and brave and have taken this little girl places that I bet she thought she would never go :)

Another round of appointments

Tomorrow is Sofie's Genetics appointment. I am not sure how I am feeling about it. Not scared. She is amazing and wonderful and no matter what the results may be, it changes nothing. She is still Sofie.
For those of you who don't know, Sofie is being tested for several different syndromes. Which ones, we will find out the details tomorrow. Because she has what they term as two midline "defects" ( I hate that term) and her type of hearing loss is a little atypical for a cleft kiddo, they are worried that she could have a genetic syndrome. The only thing it will change is that we will have a definitive prognosis of things to watch for in the future and she will be able to determine her risks if and when she decides to have children of her own.

As for me, I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I have heard all the advice from people. Don't worry about it, it will all be OK. Don't worry unless they tell you to worry about something. I totally appreciate all the support and everyone trying to keep me calm and grounded. I cannot imagine how difficult it is going to be to listen to them go through each syndrome, it's characteristics and how it may affect her and not start crying. That is my goal tomorrow, not to bawl my eyes out in the Genetics Clinic. I am bringing Kleenex just in case :)

Day 11

I am very thankful for our wonderful families. They stood by us through thick and thin, good and bad, happy and sad. They have celebrated all the milestones in our adoption journey and also held our hands in the darkest moments when we thought that our adoption journey would finish without a happy ending. They gave us hope, love, encouragement and most of all wonderful advice. They have also accepted and love Sofie unconditionally. We are truly blessed :)

Day 10

Today I am thankful for Sofie's ENT surgeon who did her palate repair and lip revision this summer. We were very lucky in that all the ENT surgeons in this group also have a plastic surgery rotation under their belt. They are therefore able to do both the palate and the lip revision. He did an amazing job and is truly an artist. He also specializes in ears too so if she should happen to need something in that area, we have it covered.
He is on the board of directors of a group that does mission trips to repair clefts in kiddos all over the world and has in fact traveled for many of these missions. He truly cares about what he does and about the kids :)

Day 9

Today I am thankful for all of our guides while we traveled in China. They were wonderful. Not only did they expose us to a wonderful, very different culture, they also made sure that all of the paperwork was in order and that everything was looked after. All we had to do was concentrate on Sofie :)

Day 8

Today I am thankful for Sofie's nanny in China. She did a wonderful job looking after Sofie. I will be eternally grateful to her for teaching Sofie how to trust and love. It makes everything else after they are adopted, a little bit easier. Not easy, just easier. Once they learn how to trust and love, it is like the pathway has been formed and they can then bond to others more easily. We are eternally grateful to her :)

Day 7

Today I am thankful for adoption tax credit. Because of this, many families are able to adopt and many more kids find their forever families. I am hoping that both parties in our government can see past all the numbers and make the adoption tax credit permanent.....for the kids :)

Day 6

Today I am thankful for all of the wonderful friends that I have made along this journey, most of whom, I have never met. I have a group of friends that I have made online who have held my virtual hand and sent me virtual hugs at every up and down that we have experienced. There support has been amazing. They all just get it, without an explanation, because they have been there and done that. They don't need to ask why or how.

I also have some awesome friends who have held my hand, listened to my whining, wiped my tears and given supportive hugs. They have also shared with us the great joy of looking at our daughter's picture for the first time. You all know who you are.

To both kinds of friends.....I say THANK YOU :)

Day 5

Today I am thankful for Sofie's relationship with Jim. It was not too long ago that Sofie was attached to me 24/7. It is so amazing to watch her relationship with Jim grow and develop. There is no better feeling than watching her choose to head out the door with Jim, happily, and say her little Bye Bye to me. She knows that I have always been here, am always here, will always be here. Trust :)

A Sofie Story

I was talking to a friend on Facebook the other night when we veered off topic and I ended up telling her a Sofie story. She got a huge kick out of it and told me how one day this story will surface again and be told over and over, much to Sofie's probable dislike. I decided then that I should probably put this story in black and white print so my frail and ever failing brain will not have to remember all the details. It is a baptism story, Sofie style!

We arrive at the church for Sofie's baptism on time and I have no idea how that happened. At first Sofie was a little timid, kind of cautious. She always likes to scope out the situation, takes it all in, before jumping in with both feet. She settles down and then starts to explore. She is walking up and down the pews, stepping on every one's feet stopping every once in a while to flash someone her amazing smile. She does this until the choir starts singing. She is intrigued by it, but, more intrigued by the book we are all holding in our hands. She is fascinated with books and reads them out loud. This book is different though, you sing the words in it....her other favorite thing to do, sing. She can't do either, read or sing, but don't tell her that! Sofie does not want to share my hymn book, she wants her own book. She is working on the sharing thing too. Of she goes again and in a few minutes, she comes back with a hymn book for herself. It is a large hymn book so she keeps dropping it on the wood pew which makes a huge banging echo. I try to take the book away from her and try to get her to share mine. NO GO! She takes off again and continues her journey up and down the pews, this time with the hymn book. Finally, it is our turn to stand at the front of the church for the baptism. I think nothing more about the hymn book and the service continues on without a hitch.

Later, we go out to a hotel for brunch with all our family and friends. We are having a lovely time, but, Sofie is starting to get bored so I go looking for her little bag of toys that she takes everywhere with her. From the first day we met her, Sofie has carried around a little bag or back pack of toys or whatever has caught her fancy. There is usually a toy cell phone, one of our old cell phones, a little music player, one of Jim's wire bikes, the tags off her dress that we bought her in China ????? and whatever else she can find for that day. I pick the bag up and it is very heavy. I start pulling stuff out trying to find her cell phone so she can send a text, yes she does that too! I then pull out a rather large HYMN BOOK from church!!!! I turn to Sofie and the look on her face is pure joy and a "look what I got in my little bag Mommy!!!!" She is so proud of herself and really not happy when I make her walk it over to the Minister,  who is also out for lunch with us, and give it back. I have no idea when she stashed it or how she even got it into the bag. It was about the same size as the bag. That must have taken some kind of effort.

I am not sure what it means when you commit a theft at your own baptism....................... :)

Day 4

Today I am thankful for Half the Sky Foundation. They are a wonderful charity that works in Chinese orphanages. The began in 1998 when a group of adoptive parents led by Jenny and Richard Bowen started an organization to help improve conditions in Chinese orphanages.

From HTS website:

In 1997, Jenny and Richard Bowen adopted a toddler from a welfare institution in southern China. From that day, they received a harsh, first-hand education about the harmful effects of institutionalizing small children: their little girl suffered from severe delays and, most worrisome, she was emotionally shut down. Vacant. But after just one year of non-stop loving attention and care from her new family, she was transformed. Truly… a butterfly emerged from that lonely cocoon.

How easy it was to make all the difference in the life of one small child!

What if you could do the same for the many children in China who wait for families – and for those who will never be adopted? It was a simple idea. Why not?

And so, in 1998, Half the Sky, named for the Chinese adage, "Women hold up half the sky,"* was born.

*Although, even today, 95% of healthy abandoned infants are girls, the issue of child abandonment and the reasons behind it grow increasingly complex as China develops. Half the Sky serves all children residing in China's welfare institutions, regardless of gender or the circumstances that brought them there.

They have done phenomenal work in China. HTS states that it has trained 8758 child care workers and helped 63 959 children, yet, there are still 989 541 children still waiting...in one country. There are between 143 and 210 MILLION orphans world wide at this time. When you sit down and read the statistics, they are mind boggling!

We are very grateful to them for taking such good care of Sofie, Lu Jing Jing as she is known to them. She had one main nanny who cared for her and she grew up with the same children. I have pictures of her as a baby and growing up with her friends. I have her life book which documents the first 2 1/2 years of her life. You don't normally get this at all. We are so fortunate and blessed to have all of this information....it is priceless. More importantly, Sofie has a past and it is documented in words and in pictures :)

Day 3

I am thankful for our eldest daughter Ainsley. Most children wait 9 months to meet their new siblings. Ainsley waited 3 years. She was 4 years old when we started our journey and has gone though countless delays and a complete change of where we were adopting from. When we switched to the China program, someone at school said to Ainsley, "I thought your sister was in Ethiopia." Her explanation sums it up perfectly....." Well, we thought she was in Ethiopia, but, it turns out she has been waiting for us in China the whole time. We just didn't know it!" She absolutely adores her sister and the feeling is mutual. I have never seen two little girls who get so excited to see each other when they have been apart, even if it is only for a short time.

Day 2

I am thankful for Sofie' effervescent smile. It simply lights up a room, melts people's hearts and will do wondrous things in this world.

Day 1

Every day during November, families who have adopted post what they are thankful for. I will post here what I post on Facebook.

DAY 1- My family is complete, my heart is full. I am thankful for my two girls :)

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month. So many children need families. Not everyone can nor wants to adopt.......please keep those who have adopted and those who are trying to, in your thoughts and prayers. Or better yet, support those agencies that do such fantastic work for children in need.