We are home again!

This weekend we traveled back to Thunder Bay to have Sofie baptized in the same church where both myself and Ainsley were both baptized and where Jim and I were married. My family has attended St. Paul's for generations and actually helped build the church. It was a special weekend. Sofie did fantastic. She just seems to thrive on new things and never really seems to get overwhelmed by anything. We had a lovely lunch at a hotel afterwards and there were around 30 people there. Sofie finally got to meet most of her relatives. 

Sofie in her baptism dress that we bought while we were in China. I took about 50 pictures of her trying to get her to smile and get a shot of the dress!!!! Ainsley also wore the same dress and got to help out during the baptism.

Quietly drawing in her new note pad after lunch.

There was only one point where Sofie seems a little taken aback by everything. We stayed in a hotel so the kids could swim in the pool. The first morning when she woke up she was very confused and quiet. She stayed that way through most of breakfast. It was the first time that she had been in a hotel since China. I was taken aback by how much she looked like she did the first week she was with us in China. It took a couple of hours, but, eventually she just seems to pop right out of it and we got a huge Sofie grin. She just took off from there.

There are some health issues in our extended family that we have been dealing with also. This weekend also gave us the time to visit with everyone and catch up. It was a beautiful weekend, but, also a very stressful weekend. It is good to be home again.

Sofie will not be getting her hearing aids today, Halloween. They are stuck in New Jersey and thanks to Hurricane Sandy, they did not ship in time and will be delayed. We are disappointed, but, at the same time feel so blessed for all we have and so terrible for all that some families have lost this weekend. Her next appointment probably will not be until Nov 16 as the Audiologist we are dealing with never seems to have an opening at all. It is very frustrating!!!

Happy Halloween to all. Safe trick or treating to all the kiddos :)


We also wrote a letter to Sofie for her baptism. It was read aloud in the church by her godfather, Shane.

To Sofie Lu,  on your baptism.

On May 14, 2012 you entered our lives and we became your forever family. Today we mark the beginning of your relationship with God. We know, however, that your journey with him started long ago.

He held you close and safe when you were a tiny baby and all alone in this big, giant world. He ensured that it was loving and caring arms that found you and looked after you until your Ma Ma, Ba Ba and Jie Jie, Ainsley, could come and get you. He cared for you when you were very ill and fighting to stay in this world. He tended for your heart while others mended your health. He has given you the strength, perseverance and fortitude to overcome more than any small child should ever have to overcome. He will continue to lift you up and help you through all the challenges you face in the future.

We thank the Lord everyday for our family and all the blessings that we have been granted. You, Sofie, are now safe and wrapped in the love of our Heavenly Father, Mommy, Daddy, your Sister, your Grandparents and all your Aunts, Uncles and Cousins.

As you grow older, we hope that the Lord’s teachings remain in your heart forever and you treat yourself and others with respect, dignity and love, always!

Sofie, may God bless and keep you safe, for all the days of your life.

Love your Mommy, Daddy and big sister Ainsley

Audiology etc.

Sorry about the tardiness in the update. We have had quite a week and I just haven't had it in me to talk about it.

The ABR test and dental work were all completed with no problems. Sofie recovered fantastically and is doing well. The ABR showed moderate hearing loss in the RT ear and mild hearing loss in the LT ear. She will wear hearing aids for the rest of her life. She has both conductive hearing loss and sensory neural hearing loss. The good news is that she has more hearing than she has hearing loss. That is awesome news. I was so afraid it would be the other way around.

The dental work was a little more involved than what we thought it would be. She had her teeth sealed and he smoothed out all the rough surfaces. He also filled four teeth and tried to save her two, upper front teeth. It was not to be. One had an abscess and had to be removed and the one beside it just fell apart and he had nothing left to even attempt a crown. She will have no front teeth until she is 7 or 8 and her permanent teeth come in. It hasn't slowed her down at all. She had nacho chips and guacamole for dinner that night. She does have hard time biting into food and tearing into it so we have to cut up most food for her.

Sofie did amazing at her Audiology appointment where she was fitted for her hearing aids. What was supposed to be a 90 min appointment ended up lasting almost 2 1/2 hours. She played, she read books, she had her ear tubes checked ( they are open and working ), she had foam molds made of her ear canals, she ate snacks and then she found a package of wipes in my purse and proceeded to clean the office :) She was awesome and amazing as always and she does far better than we do. It was an overwhelming appointment. The amount of information that we were provided was just WOW!!! It is kinda weird. When we started the process to adopt from China we researched all kinds of medical conditions. I knew a lot about cleft lip and palate. It just feels like there is so much I don't know about hearing loss. They walk you through the whole process but you still just feel WOW! I know we will work our way through it and so will Sofie and we will all be fine.....we just have to get there and it is a process.

I have tried to explain to people why we are sort of in shock. I cannot explain it at all. I think you have to have gone through this to understand fully. It is a strange experience to have someone come and talk to you about how much your child hears and what you are going to have to do to improve it. I know without a doubt that Sofie will be fine and Sofie will do great. She ALWAYS does. It just hard as the parent because you are supposed to nurture and cocoon your child. It is so hard to explain. My heart just aches for this beautiful, wonderful, adorable little girl who has been through so much, yet, continues to give so much. She is amazing!

We also found out through this whole process that Sofie will need to go for more testing. She needs a CT Scan and we need to go to a Genetics Clinic for some testing. The CT will be done to not only rule out any abnormality which could be surgically corrected, but also, to rule out an abnormality that could at any moment result in permanent and total hearing loss. The Genetic testing will be done to rule out any type of "syndrome." There are about 8 of them.

I hate labels. I hate labeling children. Syndromes label kids. What do you think of when you hear that word. She may indeed have a syndrome but is doesn't change who she is. She is wonderful and smart and funny. I owe it to her to get as much information for her as I can, for the day when she decides to have children. So we will proceed. It doesn't and will not change anything. Sofie is Sofie and she is wonderful!

So, having someone tell you that your child can't hear very well is hard. You should try someone telling you that you need to take your child to a Genetics Clinic. My heart hit the floor. I hadn't even considered that..........one day at a time :)

Thank you so much for reading this and for listening to me. I NEEDED to get this out. It was probably the most difficult post I have ever written. My heart is in every word........one day at a time :)

A thought

I have been thinking a lot this last 24 hours. I also had a great talk with Jim's cousin who is also hearing impaired. She told me that it is OK to be upset. It is a process that we have to go though. I know Sofie will do just fine. I also now know what is upsetting me. Everything else we have been able to "fix." Her cleft was fixed through surgery, her speech could be corrected through speech therapy, her teeth can be fixed with a great dentist, a bone graft and orthodontic work. This is the one thing I can't "fix." I can't make it better. Hearing aids will help her hear and will open up a whole big, new world for her, but, I can't fix it. I can't make it go away.

I know with time we will be fine. Sofie will be fine and the rest of us will be fine too. We will move on and tackle her hearing and speech with everything we have. I know that she will talk and she will talk and talk and talk :)

Thanks everyone for your support, understanding and for just listening. Your kind words really mean a lot to us :)

Today I watched Ainsley and Sofie walk through the cul de sac delivering Ainsley's flyers for Girl Scouts door to door. It was so cute. Just melted my heart to see the two of them walking hand in hand. Life is good. It is very good :)

Home

I started this blog post this morning. What was I thinking!!! It is now 10:00 pm and I am finally getting back to it. Jim and I were talking tonight and he asked me if I was going to finish the blog entry tonight. I told him I had to, my peeps were waiting for an update :) It is nice to have peeps!
Without further a do.....here is what I started this morning.

We arrived home at around 5:00 pm last night. They released us earlier than we thought they would. Yeahhhh...of course the last time that happened we ended up back in the ER with pneumonia so we are hoping to avoid a repeat. She seems to be doing great. Sofie had nacho chips and guacamole for dinner last night which is a major accomplishment considering all she had done.

The dental stuff was done first and it ended up being a little worse than what we had originally thought.  They sealed her teeth, smoothed down all the rough edges to prevent food from being caught in it and filled four teeth on the bottom. He then went about trying to fix her two upper front teeth. Turns out, he wasn't fixing them, he was trying to save them. It didn't work. Her one tooth had an abscess and had to be removed. The other tooth just disintegrated when he tried to remove the decay. There was nothing left to adhere a crown to so Miss Sofie Lu will be without any front teeth until she is 7 or 8. Sadly, removing teeth at this age does not mean that the permanent teeth will come in early. It actually delays there arrival. I feel so bad that she had been walking around with an abscess tooth and none of us had any idea. That is how tough this little girl is. PS...... her wonderful dentist, at the end of his talk with us, asked us if we had dental insurance. We said yes, dental insurance doesn't cover all that much. He then proceeded to tell us that we would not be getting a bill. He was only going to charge us what our insurance covered. He is an amazing man and truly loves what he does. All he does is pediatric dentistry :)

Up next was the ABR, or the Auditory Brainstem Response hearing test. They put electrodes on her forehead and behind her ears and introduce sounds through head phones on her ears. She has to be sedated as there are measuring the auditory nerve's response to the sounds. The test took 2 hours. It felt like the longest two hours of my life. It was worse than waiting for her palate and lip surgery. It is very difficult sitting there waiting for someone to come out and tell you how much your child can hear. It is even more difficult to hear someone tell you that your child has hearing loss. Sofie has mild hearing loss in her LT ear and moderate hearing loss in her RT ear. She will be fitted for hearing aids on Tuesday. Sofie is doing great, talking up a storm. She is so smart. She picks things up like that. Unless you talk loudly and to her LT side all she hears is mumbly gibberish. She has a total of 19 words that she uses on a daily basis although some of them, only Jim, Ainsley and I know what they mean. The rest of the time she just talks non stop....and she does her sign language, sings and laughs and reads books. Yep, her most favorite thing to do is read a book to us. She doesn't want anyone to read it to her, she wants to read it, upside down too! She is good!

I am doing better now. I have had a hard time since her ABR. You already kinda know what the test is going to show, but, to actually hear those words uttered is like a huge blow to your gut. You just want to cocoon them and protect them. She has been through so much already and I just want to make her life as easy for her as I can. I can't and she will do great!!! She is such a fighter. She just goes through life with that great big grin on her face. She is amazing! She has no fear.  I realized today how stressed out I had been about this test. Today was a great big release. It is a process I need to go through and I will get there. I cannot wait to see her when they turn on her hearing aids. Just think of all the things she has been missing.

I wish I could take Sofie and fly all over the world with her and introduce each and every one of you to her. Anyone who has met Sofie and has spent any amount of time with her knows what I am talking about. She is amazing. She effects people. She changes people. People just stop and look and talk to Sofie and are instantly changed, they are happy. They leave the encounter with a huge smile on their face. I see it happen over and over again. It is such a privilege to be a Mom to this little spit fire. It is also amazing to watch Sofie and Ainsley together. They love each other to the core.

One day at a time............. our new adventure begins :)

Thursday

I have not been myself this week. I keep telling myself that there is nothing I can do about it but just deal with whatever happens. I wish "myself" would listen to myself.

Sofie goes for her ABR hearing test and dental work/extractions on Thursday, tomorrow.  I am very stressed out about it for a number of reasons.  I am not too stressed out about the dental stuff, rather, it is the anesthesia and operating room that goes with it that is bothering me. We have just this week almost gotten back to a normal sleep pattern with Sofie since her surgery in July. By normal I mean that the night terrors have only occurred once this week and she has had 3 nights in a row where she didn't wake up at all all night. I hope I didn't just jinx myself!! I am very worried what another experience in the OR and the anesthesia is going to do to her. I pray nothing. I have talked several other Mom's whose kids have gone through the same sleeping problems after surgery. I hope that Thursday doesn't set her back.

I am also very concerned about the hearing test. Not really concerned, but, in turmoil. Part of me wants them to tell us that her hearing is much better than what they originally thought. The downside to this is that it doesn't explain why her speech is not developing. It doesn't explain why the 2 1/2 year old chatter box in China had no  discernible words in Mandarin. Just Chinese baby talk as our guides told us.  I know that some kids just talk later than others. I tell myself that over and over. The thing is that she talks all the time. We just can't quite understand what she is saying. I think it is starting to bother her too. She has started acting out when she is angry or frustrated. She can't communicate what is wrong or what she wants. It is hard to deal with :)

The other part of me is very worried that they will come back and tell us that her hearing is much worse. She has been through so much already. She just needs to be able to hear and then we can deal with whatever else we have to. And then I try to breath.........it is all out my control and I just need to take one day at a time.....wish me heart would listen to my brain.

I am not looking forward to sitting at the hospital waiting for them to come and tell me how much my sweet little baby can hear. Her dental surgery is at 11:45 and takes about an hour and then it is the ABR. It can take anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 1/2 hours. Jim won't tell me if 45 minutes is a good thing or a bad thing :)

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow......

I love watching them play together :)

Before and after

I have been meaning to put this photo together for a while now. I finally got around to it :)

The first is a picture of Sofie prior to her surgery for her palate repair and lip revision. The second is a picture of her after. Anyone who has read my prior posts knows how conflicted I was over having Sofie's lip revised. I was totally and absolutely in love with her sweet little face and I didn't want a single thing to change. She was perfect just the way she was.  I was also very afraid that it would change her smile. Her smile lights up a room and has an amazing effect on people. The practical side of me knew that one day she would be a teenager, and how her lip looked would make a difference. We only want the best for her and want to give her every opportunity to flourish. As you can see, her surgeon did a fantastic job!! He is an amazing person and does amazing work not only in our area, but, he travels to several other countries with a surgical group and gives kids all over the world a new lease on life. We feel blessed that he was able to help Sofie :)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

A very warm Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to all our friends and family!! We have so much to be so thankful for this year. We are spending a quiet thanksgiving together this year, just the four of us!

As you carve your turkey this year and sit down with your families, take a look around the table at all your loved ones. Take a really good look, take a breath and take it all in. Say thank you for all that you have and for all whom you love. We are all so very lucky and so very blessed. Life may not be perfect and we may always have stresses and strains in our day to day life, but, we are loved and we have others to love. In the end, that is all that really matters.

We will be saying an extra prayer this year for all the children all over the world who are still searching for the one family that will be their forever family. May many children be able to find the love, comfort and security of a family this year :)

No Glasses :)

Sofie passed her eye exam with flying colors today. She has perfect vision! It was such a relief to hear those words. In true Sofie fashion, she shed not a single tear, even with the eye drops. She did everything that was asked of her and then said goodbye to absolutely everyone in the waiting room on our way out. She truly has an amazing effect on people. Tomorrow is another pre op appointment. I think by now Sofie even knows how to get back to the exam rooms at the pediatricians office all by herself :)