Happy Mid Autumn Festival!!!

Today is the Chinese holiday, mid autumn moon festival. It is a lunar harvest festival celebrated by the Chinese and Vietnamese. People are given time off to go home and celebrate with their families over a wonderful dinner. It is one of the most important holidays in the Chinese calendar.

One year ago, we were anxiously waiting to hear that our dossier had been sent to China and we had a Log in Date. This meant that we would be included in the shared list that would be released by the Chinese government and we might be one step closer to our daughter. I remember staring up at the moon that night and thinking that we had probably both been looking at the same moon that day. I wondered where she was and what she was thinking.

Tonight, I stared up at the beautiful moon and then I gazed at my beautiful daughter who was playing with her equally beautiful older sister. My heart was at peace. Our family is whole and complete. I have never been happier. I no longer have to wonder where she is or what she is thinking or doing. I can see it with my own eyes. It is amazing :)

A funny thing happened this week......

.......and it has to do with the word Ma Ma. Sofie has always used the Chinese word for Mom, Ma Ma, rather indiscriminately. I know she had no idea what a Mom was or what they do. The same as she had no idea what a family was or how it worked. She used the term Ma Ma whenever she needed something from someone. Everyone was Ma Ma, including Jim. If she needed help the person she needed help from was called Ma Ma.

Something changed this week. She started calling me Ma Ma and only me. She says it differently than before, a different tone to it. She calls it out when she is trying to get my attention and more importantly, she calls for her Ma Ma when she is upset. It just melted my heart.  She knows who her Ma Ma is and more importantly, what her Ma Ma is supposed to do for her. Life is good, very good :)

A great read!!!

I am posting a link to a blog and I hope that you will all read it. It sums up what it is like to be a transracially adopted family.  I know that people are going to say that people stare at us because Sofie is just so darn cute. Yes, there is a lot of that, there is also a lot of the other kinds of stares......and I can tell the difference between the two. Most people don't realize what they are doing, they do it in a kind manner so they think it is OK. What they forget is that there is a child there too. That child can hear and see and totally knows when she is being stared at. This child will get older and will just want to fit in and be a normal kid and not be stared at because she doesn't look like her Mom and Dad and big sister. One day it will matter to that child that she gets stared at and she may not like it. So please read on. I hope that maybe I can educate just one person on what is OK and what is not OK to say while you are around us. I totally understand that people aren't being malicious, I just want to make you aware :)

Please read.....nohandbutours.com


I had some instances in the past that mirror what the author wrote about.  Mostly it was people stating that we have "saved" Sofie or how lucky she is that she was adopted by us. I am still trying to come up with a good answer to both of those comments. They frost my apples!!!! Most of you will have no idea what I am talking about. Those of you who have adopted will. She is not lucky and we did not save her. She has given more to us that we could ever give to her and she has fought harder to live and lost more than we will ever know. I am not a saint....I am just a Mom.

The stares were never more apparent than this weekend at a BB-Q we attended. It is the first time I felt that we were being stared at and not because Sofie is so cute. There is a difference between the two types of stares and if I can tell the difference so can Sofie and Ainsley. It was uncomfortable and awkward and I had no idea how to respond. I have probably had stares like it before, but, I was so busy chasing around a three year old that it is easy to ignore them. No ignoring these ones, we were sitting beside the line to the buffet :) We were totally on display. I am not angry. I knew what we were getting into by adopting and by adopting transracially. I knew that it is sometimes like living in a fishbowl. You are always on display and noticed. I just hope that maybe by sharing this I can help just one person realize that your kindly stare will have an effect on my child. I just hope that I can educate just one person on how to talk to us or what to say or do. Thanks again for listening :)

Quite the week!!

Well, we had quite the week this week.
Started with the mollescum diagnosis and got busier after that. Wednesday we had a little party for Sofie with some of our friends who couldn't make it to the party in August. We all stayed up to late and ate too many cupcakes. Sofie had night terrors all night long. Jim and I both had to work on Thursday, Jim a 24 hour shift,  so we all had to be out the door by 7 am. After work I rushed to pick Sofie up from daycare, came home with Taco Bell, dropped Sofie off at my girlfriends and picked Ainsley up from the same girlfriend, and headed off to Brownies with Ainsley. Sofie crashed in my friends lap at around 6:50. I returned home about 8 and got Ainsley to bed and then headed there myself.
Friday after work, we noticed that Sofie's torso was covered in small reddish welts. I mean covered too. I have never seen so many dots on one kid. Jim took her first to our clinic that is open late that is no longer open late on Fridays and then to Urgent Care. They were there for 3 hours. They diagnosed her with contact dermatitis just because they couldn't diagnose her with anything else :) She has been miserable. We have a steroid cream and Benadryl to give her. Sofie on Benadryl is not a calm thing. She goes crazy!!!!
Today the welts were a little better and not quite as itchy.
Here's hoping that the upcoming week is a little calmer :)

I am beginning to hate doctor's appointments!

Sofie cannot seem to catch a break!!!! While I know it can be infinitely worse, it is still very hard to watch your child get diagnosed with one thing after another. On top of the hearing issues, Dermatology diagnosed her today with Molluscum. It is a very common skin condition. Treatment sometimes involves laser treatments or freezing. Hers cannot be treated as hers are on her face and these treatments are too harsh. We are trying creams to moisturize and Retin A. Hopefully, they should go away on their own over time. They could come back at any time though.

Eye appointment is next week. I am so hoping that this appointment goes well and we don't need glasses :) I have every finger and toe crossed.

A side note, Sofie made about 50 friends at the dermatology office today :) Her smile is just infectious!!!!

It has been a while......

I look at my blog frequently. I ponder over my ticker that shows where all the people who look at my blog are from. I feel like I should write something so they all have something new to read, yet, nothing comes out. I go to sleep instead.
It has been a fun, amazing, long, short, easy, difficult month :)

So much has gone on, lots of which I cannot talk about here. We have had health issues in our extended family, back to school stressors and a toddler who is pushing her boundaries to the max. We have also had amazing family times, new experiences and lots of joy. Life is like a roller coaster...up and down, up and down.
Ainsley has always gotten stressed out over the end of the school year and the beginning of the school year. She is not a fan of change no matter what form it comes in. She never has liked it and never will. I love the joy in both Ainsley's and Sofie's eyes when the school bus arrives at the end of the day and Ainsley jumps off and runs into the yard. Sofie is always jumping up and down waving and Ainsley picks her sister up and gives her a big hug. They truly love each other to the core. It is an amazing thing to watch.
Sofie is trying so hard to speak and I am trying so hard to understand her. She is doing fine with it, I am not! It is getting frustrating for me not being able to understand most of what Sofie says. It would be different if she hardly spoke at all, instead,  she has these big long speeches that she gives and she just looks intently into your eyes as just to make sure that you are focused and are listening to her. I have no idea what she is saying. It makes me sad. I so desperately want to know what is going on inside that sweet little head. When I talk to people about it, I always seem to get the same response, "she will pick it up quickly, just have some patience." I know that she will pick it up quickly :) She is one smart little girl and I have no doubt that she will more than overcome any obstacle or difficulty that life may through her way. I just feel like I am still missing out on part of her life. I missed the first 2 1/2 years of her existence and I feel sad that I don't know what she is thinking or trying to say to me. I am just grateful that it doesn't seem to bug her. It is hard to explain why this bothers me so much.

So, it has taken me over a week just to get this blog post out. So much happens over a week. I went back to work and I went out of town with the girls for an overnight at a vineyard. It was the first time Sofie woke up in the morning and I wasn't there and the first time that I wasn't around during the night. She had a great time with Daddy and her sister. She is much more anxious now and watches my every move just to see where I am going. She came around the corner today and a HUGE smile crossed her face as if to say "you are still here, awesome!!!!" It melted my heart. I have also spoken to a friend about my sadness over the language barrier. She said not to stress over it too much. Just treat it more like a game that Sofie and I are playing. It has really helped.

I am finding that it is so much harder to put things into words now than it was before. Maybe it is due to  a lack of time, maybe there is just so much more going on and I am finding it difficult to process it all.

I will have to continue this blog post tomorrow. Sleep is calling me after a long weekend of too much wine and too little sleep :) Until tomorrow........................

.............................it is tomorrow!! We are heading back into a period of multiple doctor's appointments again. Sofie has had a break for about a month now so it has been nice. Sofie does great at doctor's appointments, Mommy stresses about them :) Tomorrow is a dermatology appointment, next Tuesday is the two hour eyes dilated eye doctor appointment ( should be fun and I am sure it will require  whole blog post all it's own) and next Wednesday is the pre op appointment for her ABR hearing test and dental surgery that will take place on October 11. I cannot lie, I am worried about the ABR and dental. It is not only stressful knowing that she is prone to pneumonia post operatively, but I am worried about the ABR. Part of me is still hoping that the results come out better than what audiology is expecting and the rest of me is worried that the results will come out worse. It is out of my control so I am just trying to do one day at a time :)

Not much else is going on, just dance classes, gymnastics, school, doctors appointments and swimming :) I will now post some pictures as I feel that they sum things up much better than I can!!!

First Day of School

Sofie's first swimming lesson....Ainsley was so concerned about her :)

Sisters having fun

Our beautiful Ainsley

What have you got on your face!!!!!!

I so love her eyes and the freckles

I am not happy!

OK now I am happy!!!!!!!

I love this sweet little face :)

We have done a lot this month. Don't misunderstand by the above ramblings, it has been a month full of so much joy also. I feel so fortunate and blessed to have the family I have and to be loved by two such wonderful little girls and then to share it all with my best friend is almost too much!!! I watch the two of them play together and think what an amazing privilege it is to be able to watch the bond between Ainsley and Sofie being formed. It is a unique privilege to watch them discover what it means to be a sister at the age their age. I think it must be a much different process than that between an older sibling and an infant. I have no experience at that though so it is just a guess.
Thanks for listening to all my ramblings. It felt good to get some things off my chest!!!
You guys are great :)