So before Mother's Day and the one year anniversary of Sofie's family or gotcha day, there are a few things that I need to get off my chest. I will not name names as I don't want to upset anyone or experience any repercussions for my rant.
I have never expected people to understand what it is like to wait for and then adopt a child. I have tried to educate people to the process, the emotions, the difficulties and the joys of it all. I have tried to be honest about adopting an older child and about adopting a child with special needs. Some people have been wonderful offering continued and ongoing support and assistance. Others, haven't really tried to understand, which is fine and I don't have a problem with that at all. Adoptive Moms and families just get it with no explanation necessary. They get ALL of it. This group has been amazingly supportive and they still are. I could not do all of this or gotten to where we are with out them or my friends and family who have all been so accepting, welcoming and supportive of Sofie.
What I was not expecting was to be judged by others and to be told what you are doing wrong and how you should do things differently. I was not expecting to be told that I need to do more, contribute more and be more by people who have no idea how it is to walk in our shoes. Those who have never been through this and have never taken the time to find out what our daily routine is....they have never walked in my shoes so don't judge me. All they see is a cute little girl who says hi and they assume that everything is OK and our family is now like every other family out there. Every family is different and has their own challenges to overcome. I have had a lot of difficulty with this the last month and I feel hurt by it all. I treat people a certain way and I expect, apparently incorrectly, to be treated the same.
Thank you to all those who have stood by us, supported us and tried to understand what it is like to be us. Somedays I am Super Mom, some days an average Mom, some days I fall flat on my face and I fail miserably. Always, I love my kids and my family and they come first in my life. It is times like this when you really find out who your true friends are......and I thank you from the bottom of my very tired heart :)
Here are a few links to articles that I thought would be interesting to share with everyone. Thanks for listening to me.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lea-grover/dear-less-than-perfect-mom_b_3184445.html
http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/
Hi Bonnie,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about what you have to go through. Some people are just ignorant. And I would say sometime they just do not know. I did not know before our adoption . I did not know what it meant to adopt SN child, well I still do not know. Our girl is not that. I remember telling my close friend that we were adopting SN Child and wow. She basically freaked out that I am adopting "crippled" child and this is her wording. OMG I was stunned. I am still her friend. Later in I realized that she just did not know, did not known better. I am so glad I did not tell her what our daughter SN Suppose to be. Sometime it is what it is. They are just ignorants out there. I learned on this adoption journey to not judge, because there is the day when I am the bad mom and not the super mom. So I have no right to judge.
Happy Mother's Day and Gotcha to you and us too!
Eva
PS: What is it? Bota Tox you should be drinking now?
I think the best (and by that I mean worst) thing anyone ever said to me about adoption was: "What if you don't like him?"
ReplyDeleteThe question knocked me flat on my back. I didn't even know how to respond.
I feel like I've been pretty fortunate with the people I've run into while going about my business with Henry on my hip. I do feel like people "look" at me more than they used to. I told hubby I thought this was just because Henry was so darn cute. Hubby pointed out that they are probably looking at me and Henry and thinking, "Well, he's clearly adopted." That crushed me. I honestly was thinking people were looking at me and Henry and thinking he was super cute. Hubby is probably more right on this than I am.
I'm sorry you're running into haters. I ran into ignorance at the grocery store one day a few months back and it totally broke my heart.
If it makes you feel any better, we've had some rough going this winter figuring out that Henry has some additional needs. I know what it's like to be praying "please let this be his last special need" and then to have yet another one pop up.
We knew about the cleft, and were expecting the eat tubes, but weren't expecting the eye issues, or his sensory overload issues that lead to attention issues. It's exhausting!
I think I need to drink more wine. As I recall, you drink wine. Maybe we should have a wine drinking night. We could whine together.
Kelly