It's a good life

It has been almost 10 months since we have been home from China. 10 months that Sofie has been a part of our family. Adoption is a strange thing. When you first get home, it is difficult. Every day is a challenge of ups and downs. You then hit this magic point, and, things get better. A little easier every day. And then, for us at least, all the therapies start and you a thrust back into an unorganized life. It is all fun though. All it takes is watching Ainsley and Sofie play together and it just makes my heart sing and I realize how far we have all come. You kinda get lulled into a sense of security and comfort. You start to feel like this small, wonderful child has always been here with you. She is such a part of your life that you forget what it was like without her. And then something happens and you remember how very much your child has lost and left behind. She had a whole other life before her life with us. It may not be the life that anyone would choose, but, it was her life and all she knew.

We were looking at the Love Without Boundaries blog when a picture of a little girl who had just been adopted came up. She had been in the same Healing Home that Sofie had been in although they was a year between their stays there.  Sofie jumped up out of my lap and hugged the laptop and then started kissing the picture of the little girl and her foster family. She did this over and over again. It just blew me away! She doesn't usually react that way to pictures of children who were in the orphanage with her. It just hit me that she has memories and relationships with people that were awesome, wonderful and had an impact on her. It made me sad to think of all the people and the life she had to leave behind. It also made me very sad that she cannot tell me anything about her time in China or about the picture. I still don't know if it was the little girl who elicited that reaction from her or the foster family or the background in the picture. I just wish that she could tell me some things about her prior life. Memories that I could preserve for her. I realize how fortunate we are though. Because of LWB and Half the Sky, we have baby pictures of Sofie and pictures of her growing up. Priceless things that most parents do not have. We are so fortunate and lucky.

Sofie has come a long way with her speech therapy. We still have a very long way to go. So many people ask us if she is getting better at speaking English now. They don't realize or understand that Sofie not only needs to learn English, she needs to learn to speak and listen. I can use a cat analogy to explain it. At some point in her life, Sofie saw a cat. She knew what is was, but, she had never really heard the proper term for what a cat was in any language. She had never really heard what noise a cat made therefore, she had never associated meow with a cat. She not only had to learn to say CAT, she also had to learn to say meow and to learn that a cat says meow. She needed to learn to put it all together. She needs to learn how to do this with everything. At times, it can seem overwhelming. It feels like we are never going to get there...and then Sofie flashes one of her trademark billion watt smiles and she does this:

There are good days, not so good days, frustrating days and extremely joyful days full of laughter and giggles. We are so very fortunate and blessed to be parents to these two wonderful girls. I just look at Sofie and all that she has been through and all that she has overcome and will have to overcome and I just smile. Bad days just seem to melt away when you look into her eyes. If she can still giggle and smile after everything she has been through then I can overcome anything that gets thrown my way.

Ainsley is still just loving having a sister and having a hard time not hugging her sister to death. It is still just the most amazing thing to watch them play together and love each other. Sofie just loves doing whatever Ainsley is doing. It is sooooo cute to watch. Ainsley is the most caring compassionate sister ever. She is an unbelievable sharer. She gives toys up to Sofie when she wants them and is just awesome with her sister. I have to stop sometimes and make sure that Sofie is not taking advantage of her sister's generosity. Ainsley came home from school the other day and she looked upset. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that someone at school was making fun of China. They were walking around saying China China China. They had been studying Chinese New Year at the time. Ainsley asked him to stop please. He asked her why she cared so much. She told him that her sister was born in China. She was very upset when she got home. While we were talking, she told me "Mommy I just really loved going to China. I love China. I loved all the kids I met in Sofie's orphanage and I just want to help China and all the kids in China." That is my sweet compassionate Ainsley. I was so proud of her when she said that. So very proud :)