The happenings at our house

It has been almost a week since my last post. It has been a crazy week. I am not even sure how or what to say, so much has gone on. We have some health issues going on in our extended family. Yesterday we drove up to Duluth and met Jim's Mom, Dad, Sister and her family. I was nice to see everyone even if it was only for lunch and Sofie as usual did awesome, until the drive home. She saved her melt downs for then...at least it didn't happen at lunch!
I am feeling a little overwhelmed today. Sofie has become extremely clingy, to the point that I cannot be more that a foot away from her without her screaming bloody murder. Ainsley is having some problems adjusting to a new sibling now that school is out and I am feeling tired and run down. I found out just over a week ago that my Aunt who I haven't seen in ages passed away after a long battle with cancer. Last night I found out that my Uncle who lives in British Columbia also passed away unexpectedly. It was kind of a sad day today. The last time I saw him was last August when I drove up to Thunder Bay for my Aunt's funeral, his wife. He leaves behind two wonderful daughters and two grandsons and he will be missed tremendously.

Sofie, last week, paid a visit to the ENT Surgeon and a General Surgeon. Wednesday we have our appointment with the Dental Surgeon. She loves going to doctor's offices. She has a blast there. We also found out that she is Vitamin D deficient which is a common occurrence in international adoption and she has some hearing loss in both ears. All her immunization titers came back good, her lead levels were great and she has a bug in her stool :( She is now on an antibiotic three times a day, a Vit D tablet, Calcium, acidophilus and a multi vitamin. She takes all of them like a trooper. No fuss with the nasty tasting antibiotic and she even swallows the Vit D with water.

We will not be able to get all of her surgeries done on the same day. The dental stuff will have to be on another day. July 19 she will have ear tubes, a lip revision, a palate repair and an umbilical hernia repair. Poor thing...she will be in the hospital at least two nights maybe three. The surgeon is hoping that the ear tubes will drain out some fluid from her ears and her hearing will improve. We won't know until it is done. He also thought that the palate wasn't as wide as we had originally feared so it should be a straight forward repair. He explained her lip revision as more cosmetic than a surgical repair. Sometimes they repair wide clefts and then go back 6 months later and fix it up and do a cosmetic revision. This, he explained, is how they will treat Sofie's lip. He felt that the incision shrunk up when it was healing and she probably has an abscess in one of the sutures. I was so happy that he thinks he can redo the lip.....and then I thought about it that night and I got very worried and sad. I am torn. I know that growing up as a girl and having a facial scar will be difficult for her. Kids can be cruel whether intentionally or through curiosity and it affects your self esteem. Life is hard enough as an adolescent and teenager so I was elated that he could help minimize the scarring. I then I looked at her sweet face :) I so hope that the lip revision doesn't change her smile or the twinkle in her eye when she laughs. I absolutely love that little face just the way it is and part of me wants nothing to change. Any parent who has a child with a cleft lip who has had to have a surgical repair know exactly what I am talking about. You fall in love with that sweet little face no matter what and it is very stressing to know that it is going to change and how your child looks is going to change. I know that Sofie's face isn't going to totally change like an original repair does, but I still don't know how it will look. I know we are doing the right thing, I just hate the uncertainty of the whole thing. I know some of you are thinking that I am over analyzing this......and then some of you totally get it :)

I read a blog post of a friend who has also adopted recently and I belong to a Facebook group of families that have recently adopted. Those of us with kids already in the home when we adopted have noticed the same thing. We all and our agencies all concentrated so heavily on attachment and bonding in our children, but, they all left out the part about how to deal with siblings in the home after adoption. All the literature tells you how to prepare your child for the impending adoption but not how to help them after you are home. They totally dropped the ball on this one. It is so different that traditional sibling rivalry. You have one child who is feeling left out and another who doesn't speak the same language who is an almost three year old, with a three year old mentality who is emotionally and physically about 1 1/2 years old. WOW! I am not having many issues in the adoption area but a ton in the sibling rivalry area and yes I have set aside time to spend with out eldest child just me and her. As soon as we are home we go right back to the same. Don' get the wrong idea, Ainsley adores her sister...sometimes too much. It is just so hard for her to figure out where she fits into everything now. Sofie is also just learning how to be a sister so she is unable to give Ainsley the love she requires from a sibling. We are making slow progress though and I know we will get through this. Sofie now occasionally hugs and kisses Ainsley and this just makes her day. She is sooooo happy. Ainsley is a sweet, loving, little girl and I know that we will work this out as a family. I just don't know how yet.....and then there are moments like this and you know that everything will be OK :)

And last but not least.....a song