WOW

Wow this has been quite a week. I was in the kitchen making dinner tonight (OK, we had waffles, no not homemade, frozen) Ainsley came motoring through the kitchen singing a song. That child is always singing, moving or twirling! Here is the song she was singing "sofie lu sofie lu sofie lu" I had a huge smile on my face and then I was the recipient of "why are you laughing at me." She is at the age where she doesn't realize how cute she is or that she has an awesome sense of humor, also an awesome temper but that is another blog post for another day.

I has been an odd week too, full of emotions that I have never before felt. I am not even sure how to put it into words so I am hoping that by writing it down it will help. Unless your have adopted a child or had problems conceiving or infertility issues, someone else will never be able to understand what it is like after sooo long to finally look at a picture of your child. It is just impossible for me to describe it to you or to make you understand. That is why the friends you make online in chat groups are just as important as the ones that you have in your "real life." Your online friends understand you like no one else will ever be able to. Wow this post kinda went off in a whole other direction now. I am so grateful to everyone, real life and online, for always being there for us through all the good, bad and stressful times. I long ago determined that our adoption story will never be the "poster child" for convincing people to adopt, perseverance yes, promoting adoption, probably will scare more people away! Unless they get a look at Sofie Lu's sweet little face. That is worth it all.

So back to the emotional part. I had totally thought I would go into work on Thursday and shout to everyone that we finally found "her." I was pretty quiet though. I told a few people, showed them the new blog and shed a few tears. On my way home from work I started to evaluate why this was. Yes, Melissa, I had one of those drives home where you don't quite remember the drive home because your mind is off somewhere else! I realized that I am totally positive and have no doubts that Sofie Lu is our daughter, I am just waiting for the call that oops! this has all been a mistake and sorry, but you won't be going to China yet. I know where this emotion comes from, countless times in the adoption process where the rug has been pulled out from under our feet, and I know in time it too shall pass. I do have faith. We were all destined to be together. Jim feels the same too. We are just so afraid to put our hearts out there because they have been trampled on so many times. Don't get me wrong, I love this child already. From the moment my eyes looked at her picture I loved her more that anything and I would do anything to protect her and make her safe. My children mean the world to me and they are one of the sole reasons for my existence.....she is our daughter just as Ainsley is. It is unconditional. I don't think I will totally be at ease until we have our LOA and China says we can officially adopt her. I know that it will get easier every day that passes. I look at her picture and she is just as I have always pictured her in my mind.......our daughter.

Every night I say the "Waiting Child's Lullaby" (it is posted earlier in the blog, Nov 14). Tonight I am finally able to picture her face as I send her kisses in the wind. What an awesome feeling :)