The newest US Citizen

One year ago today a very weary family of four, who used to be a family of three, were on a Korean Airlines flight from Seoul to the Seattle-Tacoma airport in Washington State. When that plane touched down, the newest member of the Ducharme family officially became a US Citizen. This is how she celebrated :)

She was out cold after having been up for most of the transpacific flight. Ainsley then proceeded to lose a tooth while we were waiting to board the plane to Minneapolis which resulted in much hysterics as she was so upset because how was the tooth fairly ever going to find her!!! We were allowed to pre-board the flight early :)

A Year Ago.....

One year ago we met a tiny, scared, almost catatonic little girl who could barely walk. We met our youngest daughter for the first time! It was shocking to see her. I remember watching her closely. She would not move anywhere but she watched everything that was going on around her. I remember saying to Jim that it would be OK. She was focused on what was happening and was taking it all in. I knew that there was so much going on inside her little head than she was letting us believe.

It has been an amazing year. I still recall Jim saying that first day that Sofie really needed us. Little did we know that it was us that really needed her. She has given our family infinitely more than we could ever give her. It has been a year full of ups and downs and lots of unknowns. We have had to work through more medical conditions that I thought we would have to, but, always, Sofie leads the way.

Thank you to all our family and friends who have supported us, loved us and accepted Sofie for all that she is. Your support has meant more to us than you could every know!

“Though she be but little, she is fierce!”

― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Sofie, Gotcha Day May 14, 2012

Sofie, Feb, 2013

When Ainsley turned 1, we planted a tree for her in the backyard. On Mother's Day, we went out and bought a tree for Sofie in honor of her being part of our family for a year. Ainsley and Sofie picked the tree out by themselves and I can't wait to plant it and watch it grown just as I can't wait to see Ainsley and Sofie grow and change. We are so very blessed :)

Heading back to the OR :)

Today we had swimming lessons, a visit with the audiologist, an appointment with the ENT surgeon and speech therapy all between the hours of 1-5pm. Sofie fell asleep on the way home :)

We found out from the ENT surgeon  that Sofie has velopharyngeal insufficiency. She is unable to close the velopharyngeal sphincter during speech. She can't force air out through her mouth therefore she sounds hyper nasal and cannot say consonants. She tries so hard but she just can't do it. They will take down part of her palate, lengthen it and narrow it. They will also move some of the muscles on either side of her palate or something like that. By this point in the explanation my head was spinning and I had trouble remembering what he was saying. She also has an ear tube that has dislodged and because of her extremely large tonsils, they will have to be removed prior to her palate surgery. Her tonsils are HUGE! They don't seem to bug her though, there just isn't enough room in there for all of her anatomy so something has to go. The icky part is that the tonsils and the palate cannot be done together. Tonsils are a "dirty" surgery, the palate is "clean" and they have to be done at least 6 weeks apart. We are going to be in the OR a lot this summer. Not how I had envisioned our summer, but so be it. I just hope it helps her and she is able to leap over this hurdle.

I am not going to lie to you. The last palate surgery was brutal. The surgery was fine, the two weeks after were not so much fun. The pneumonia and the months of night terrors is something I would like to avoid. I am so very hopeful that these surgeries will help her over this bump in the road. At the same time, it makes me so sad that this little spitfire is going to have to go through the pain and turmoil of not one, but two surgeries. Both surgeries are an overnight stay in the hospital so not only does it affect Sofie, but, also Ainsley. I am not looking forward to telling Ainsley about it. She is so very sensitive and emotional and she remembers what it was like last summer.

I know that we will come out of this stronger and closer that ever. Sofie is so amazing, and her sister, just as wonderful. We are very lucky. We have two very special little girls :)

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom who I love more than anything. She is my Mom, my friend, my mentor and the woman I most look up to.

Mother's Day last year was quite different than this year's. There was no special brunch, no presents, no flowers. Just a bundle of nerves, a wonderful home made card from Ainsley and a new little sister. Last year in China, a family of three became a family of four! Last year we met a scared, quiet little girl in an office in Hefei, China. I will never forget that Mother's Day. It was amazing.

Today I also think of Sofie's birth mom, who we have never and might never meet, and Jim's birth mom who we have had the pleasure and honor of meeting. I am awe struck at the magnitude of the gift that Sofie's birth Mom has given us. The honor of raising her daughter is not lost on me. I wish I could reach out to her, give her a hug and tell her that her daughter is doing well. That she is a determined fighter and has overcome so much in her short life. I wish she could know that she is a dynamo and has a personality that just seems to affect people in such an astounding way. I just wish that I could give her some peace of mind and maybe help heal her heart. The always wondering what happened to your child must just be overwhelming.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's in the world.....those who are celebrating, those waiting, those who have lost and those who will always wonder :)

Venting

So before Mother's Day and the one year anniversary of Sofie's family or gotcha day, there are a few things that I need to get off my chest. I will not name names as I don't want to upset anyone or experience any repercussions for my rant.

 I have never expected people to understand what it is like to wait for and then adopt a child. I have tried to educate people to the process, the emotions, the difficulties and the joys of it all. I have tried to be honest about adopting an older child and about adopting a child with special needs. Some people have been wonderful offering continued and ongoing support and assistance. Others, haven't really tried to understand, which is fine and I don't have a problem with that at all. Adoptive Moms and families just get it with no explanation necessary. They get ALL of it. This group has been amazingly supportive and they still are. I could not do all of this or gotten to where we are with out them or my friends and family who have all been so accepting, welcoming and supportive of Sofie.

What I was not expecting was to be judged by others and to be told what you are doing wrong and how you should do things differently. I was not expecting to be told that I need to do more, contribute more and be more by people who have no idea how it is to walk in our shoes. Those who have never been through this and have never taken the time to find out what our daily routine is....they have never walked in my shoes so don't judge me. All they see is a cute little girl who says hi and they assume that everything is OK and our family is now like every other family out there. Every family is different and has their own challenges to overcome. I have had a lot of difficulty with this the last month and I feel hurt by it all. I treat people a certain way and I expect, apparently incorrectly, to be treated the same.

Thank you to all those who have stood by us, supported us and tried to understand what it is like to be us. Somedays I am Super Mom, some days an average Mom, some days I fall flat on my face and I fail miserably. Always, I love my kids and my family and they come first in my life. It is times like this when you really find out who your true friends are......and I thank you from the bottom of my very tired heart :)

Here are a few links to articles that I thought would be interesting to share with everyone. Thanks for listening to me.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lea-grover/dear-less-than-perfect-mom_b_3184445.html

http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/