Day 22

Today I am thankful for everything and everyone!! I have been so very blessed in my life............from family, friends and acquaintances. I am so very lucky to have both of my daughters and my wonderful husband in my life. Life is good. I am truly thankful. I love all of you dearly and you mean the world to me. As Ainsley put it so eloquently this morning...."Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for my sister!!"

May this coming year be good and gracious to all of you. Happy Thanksgiving to your family from the Ducharme's :)

Day 21

OK, this is getting harder and harder to do. Today I am thankful for my Mom.  I am super thankful for my Dad too, I love him dearly, but, my Mom is my Mom. She understands what it is like to be a Mom. She has stood by me through our whole adoption with love and support. She offered me good advice when I didn't want to hear it and a long distance shoulder to cry on when I needed it. I wish she was not so far away.  I thank you Mom and Dad for all you do and for just being there for me when I needed you.........unconditional love :)

Day 20

Today I am thankful for my daughter Ainsley, again :) Today was special persons day at school. Due to the fact that we do not have family close by, Ainsley's special people are usually me and my girlfriend Debbie. This year it was me, Debbie and Sofie. Ainsley was so excited that her sister would be at school with her. She got up this morning at 6:30!!!!! got dressed, went downstairs, let the dog out and fed the dog then put pancakes in the toaster for both herself and her sister. She told me that she knew I would have a busy morning with Sofie and special person's day so she just wanted to help out :)

Day 19

Today I am thankful for online social networking. I NEVER thought I would hear myself utter those words. It has allowed me to connect with so many other Mom's and Dad's who have gone through or are going through the adoption process. It has allowed me to develop a huge support network and, thus, has allowed me to help Sofie and Ainsley better. Instead of jumping into things without any knowledge other that what I read in a book, I can talk to an actual person who has gone through the same thing...........priceless information :)

The Movie

So yesterday, as I posted earlier, I went to see Somewhere Between. WOW!!!! The director of the documentary was there to answer questions after the movie. What an amazing experience. I was so totally unprepared for the movie. I knew before going that they mentioned Sofie's orphanage in the film. I was not prepared for how much it was featured in the film. It is a must see for anyone who has adopted from China, know someone who has adopted from China and especially any family who has adopted from Hefei.

Anyone who doesn't want the movie's content spoiled stop reading now :)

It was a wonderful movie that features 4 girls all of whom were adopted from China, live in the US and are in their early teens. They each have a unique opinion of what it is like to be transracially adopted. They all seem to struggle with identity and where they fit in, not in their families, but in society. I cannot wait for the day that Sofie gets to watch it. It is so raw and real and they just tell it like it is. I won't go through the whole movie, it is amazing and I don't want to ruin it for anyone. It gets released for sale on DVD in February and it was shown on TV Ontario in Canada. Go see it if you can!!!!

So like I mentioned, Sofie's orphanage was featured in the film. One of the girls was born just outside Hefei and she travels back there frequently to help in the orphanages with the children. She met a little girl with CP and raised money to pay for her therapy at the Hefei Children's Welfare Institute, where Sofie spent 2 1/2 years. It follows the older girl and, as she calls her, the little girl in pink. She visits her often and the little girl refers to her as older sister. It also follows her as she is adopted by her family. I was watching the film when they mentioned Hefei and my heart jumped and I thought "wow, how neat." Then they showed the lobby of the orphanage and I think I just about fell out of my chair. They showed the hallways that we walked down, the doors and the little windows that we looked in. By this time I was full on sobbing. It it such and emotional day, the day you go to visit your child's orphanage with your newly adopted child. You meet her nanny and you see how upset she is that she is seeing Lu Jing Jing for the last time. The scenes from the orphanage just brought all that back with am immense and very quick force. By this time I am quietly sobbing, quietly cause I don't want to make a fool out of myself. If I was at home it would have been full on sobbing! A thought then pops into my very foggy head. What a priceless gift this woman has given us. Sofie's orphanage moved this past summer to a brand new place outside of town. Like everything in China I am sure it will be torn down and  a new building will be built in it's place. Many adoptees travel back to China to see their finding spot and to visit their orphanage. They try to connect with their past. Sofie will never have that. She will never get to see the place where she spent the first 2 1/2 years of her life. She will only have pictures and now, a movie.

I walked up to the director after the film and told her thank you. Thank you for making such a wonderful movie and thank you for the gift that you have given my daughter. She will be able to see at least snippits of where she lived forever. And yes, I was bawling my eyes out at this point like I am right now :)

Day 18

Today I am thankful for my husband who stayed home with two sick kiddos so I could go see Somewhere Between. Jim, you are the best :)

Day 17

Today I am thankful for the documentary Somewhere Between. I saw it today and all I can say is WOW!!!!!! and thank you !!!!!!

http://www.somewherebetweenmovie.com

We have them!!!!

Sofie got her hearing aids at 10:30 this morning. She has been wearing them all day and hasn't even messed with them once. Wow there was a lot of stuff that the audiologist had to show us about them. Jim and I are complete and total losers trying to get them in her ears. Her little ear canals are so small that they are really hard to get in.

When she first put them in Sofie's ears, I almost started crying. The look on her face was sheer terror. The audiologist still had to program the noise reduction and the feedback cancellation. Once that was done, Sofie really started to calm down. She then proceeded to talk for the next hour non stop :) She couldn't get enough of hearing herself talk and on the way out of the building, she stopped, and turned toward the heater that was blowing air. She was enthralled with the sound of blowing air!!

A friend on mine relayed a story to me about when her daughter got her aids and how amazed she was at the sound of birds chirping. I love that story and thank you so much for sharing it with me! Our story isn't quite as emotionally moving......... it is very funny though........and very Sofie :)

We took Sofie out for lunch after and part way through lunch, she signed to me that she had to go potty. Off we went to the restroom and low and behold she actually went this time. When I lifted her off the toilet the automatic flush activated.........whooooosh. This is not the first time that Sofie has been around an automatic toilet when it flushed. She turned toward it with a look on her face of complete amazement. She started jumping up and down and yelled out a huge WOOOOOWWWWWWW!! She kept pointing to the toilet yelling WOOOOOWWWWWW the whole time. She wanted me to make if flush again and again. Anyone listening probably thought we were nuts! Typical Sofie :)

Ainsley was so excited this morning when she left for school. At sharing (show and tell)  today she told everyone that her sister was getting her hearing aids today and that when she got home from school, Sofie would really be able to clearly hear her for the first time :) She melted my heart!!!

Day 16

Today I am very thankful that Jim switched shifts and got today off so that he could come with Sofie and I. It is nice not to have to do this by myself. It is always nice to have company when you are leaping into the great unknown :)

Day 15

Today I am thankful that Sofie will FINALLY get her hearing aids tomorrow! So very happy and thankful.

It is a strange experience to know that your child cannot really hear what you are saying to them clearly. She understands so much, yet, the clarity of the words is missing. It is even a stranger experience knowing that tomorrow she will clearly hear me and other sounds for the very first time. The emotion that goes with it is almost overwhelming. I am excited, scared and very nervous about tomorrow. It kinda feels like you are taking a huge, exciting leap off a cliff without a parachute and you have no idea where you are going to land. I have no idea what to expect and absolutely no expectations about tomorrow. That is a huge leap of faith for a slightly organized control freak such as myself.  I will be flying by the seat of my pants tomorrow. Wish us luck :)

6 Months Ago Today

Where do I even start with Day 14 of Thankfulness! Today, it has been 6 months since we met a very quiet, scared little girl in the Civil Affairs Office of Hefei, Anhui Province, China. It has gone by so fast that I cannot believe it has been 6 months already, yet, it feels like she has been a part of our family forever.

 Sofie on our Family Day May 14, 2012 Hefei China

......and Sofie now!!!!

I look back at the pictures and I cannot believe how much Sofie has changed. Her eyes that were once so blank are now so full of life.....and that smile!!!!! 

Today also fills me with so much emotion. This little girl has added so much to both mine and Jim's life, but, also an enormous amount to Ainsley's life. She has given us more than we can or ever will be able to give her. Her addition to our family has created a most wonderful relationship......... sisters. To be able to witness the bond of sisterhood form between two little girls is a tremendous honor and such an awe inspiring thing. They truly love and adore each other. I am so very thankful for that :)

I am thankful for all the twists and turns, ups and downs that led us to each other.  As difficult as they were at the time, I truly believe that we were supposed to find each other. I know not everyone thinks that way, but, for us it rings true. If one thing had gone differently or been completed faster, we both would not have been in the place we both needed to be at in order for her referral to find us.  

If you had asked me 6 months ago where I thought we would be at right now at this moment, I would have said that all of Sofie's surgeries for now would be done and we would be settled into a schedule and a routine. We would have speech therapy already underway and life would be a little more predictable. You think I would have learned by now that life has surprises in store for you all the time and it usually doesn't work out quite how you think it will. I did not imagine that at this point we would still be undergoing medical tests and seeing more specialists. I did not imagine that hearing aids and audiology appointments were in our future either. It is what it is and we can handle anything. All I have to do is watch Sofie for a couple of minutes at any particular doctor's office and it totally puts me back in my place. This little girl can handle anything that life throws at her. The least we can do is be there to support her and provide her with all the tools she needs to succeed. She is amazing, much stronger than I ever could be. She has survived so much and never seems frustrated or overwhelmed, unless, you tell her that she can't have any more Halloween candy!!!! She always seems to lead us through every difficult moment with her little smile that says "come on guys you can do this. We can do anything together."

I have come to realize that I have not had very many fuzzy warm posts on the blog lately. We have had to handle a lot of stuff and this is a way for me to get it out and deal with it. If you are looking for a fuzzy blog you have come to the wrong one!!  I hope, though, that I am not coming across as too whiny and complaining or a drama queen. I also write this blog with the hopes of helping just one adoptive family get through the wait or helping them prepare for what happens once they get home with their new family. I feel I would be doing them a disservice if I sugarcoated everything. It is difficult, all of it, from beginning to after you are home. The first 6 months home are really hard. It is OK....it does get better. The moments of joy far outweigh the heartache. It is the hardest, most rewarding best thing we have ever done. I would do everything all over again and not change a thing. We have been given challenges that we were not expecting, but, that is the joy of adoption. You never know what you are getting into, but, you find out how strong you are as an individual and as a family. You find out that you truly can handle anything that life throws your way......all you need is that high voltage super awesome smile and all is right and good with the world :)

Our very first Sofie smile!!!!!!

Day 13

Today, I am very thankful for our medical insurance. If you had asked me that last year I would have said no. Turns out, it is pretty good insurance when you really need pretty good insurance. We are very thankful and realize that others are not so lucky. It is one less thing to have to worry about :)

Genetics Appointment Done

Well, we got stuck in traffic because it snowed 1/4 inch, in Minnesota. Totally slowed everything down and I ended up being late for our appointment even though I left early. Fortunately, everyone else was late too so it ended up being no problem.

They examined Sofie from head to toe and the genetics counsellor, nurse practitioner and the Geneticist  all determined that Sofie in no way has any type of syndrome and in fact her hearing loss has nothing to do with her cleft. Yeah!!!!........say what????? It had not even entered my mind that Sofie's hearing loss could be independent of her cleft. No one had ever mentioned it, at all. I was stunned, shocked and for a change at a total loss for words. Even Jim was wondering what was going on with me. It took me all day to process it. It still doesn't change anything....but what a curve ball. At one point they stated that they thought her hearing loss was due to chronic ear infections and may get better. That was the part that left my brain racing. It took me all day to figure out why. It would be great if that happened. The only problem is, and this is what my little brain was trying to wrap itself around all day, there was no indication of any ear infections in any of her medical files. I do realize that the information from China is not always totally truthful, but, even her Love Without Boundaries information said nothing about ear infections. She hasn't had a single ear infection since she came home and, in fact, when they put her ear tubes in, there was no fluid in the ear at all. I am being cautiously optimistic on this one.

The other cause of her hearing loss could still be a genetic issue. There is one protein on a chromosome that is associated with hearing loss. It is called the Connexin 26 or Connexin 30. It has been shown to be the cause of hearing loss in a number of ethnic groups. They will therefore run a full genetic sequence on Connexin 26 and 30 to determine if that is the cause. She will also have a CT Scan of her ears to rule out any boney abnormality. And then again, we may never know why and that is OK too :)

The CT Scan is on November 23 and the genetic results take as long as 4 weeks.

Day 12

Today I am thankful for these little feet. They are so very precious and brave and have taken this little girl places that I bet she thought she would never go :)

Another round of appointments

Tomorrow is Sofie's Genetics appointment. I am not sure how I am feeling about it. Not scared. She is amazing and wonderful and no matter what the results may be, it changes nothing. She is still Sofie.
For those of you who don't know, Sofie is being tested for several different syndromes. Which ones, we will find out the details tomorrow. Because she has what they term as two midline "defects" ( I hate that term) and her type of hearing loss is a little atypical for a cleft kiddo, they are worried that she could have a genetic syndrome. The only thing it will change is that we will have a definitive prognosis of things to watch for in the future and she will be able to determine her risks if and when she decides to have children of her own.

As for me, I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I have heard all the advice from people. Don't worry about it, it will all be OK. Don't worry unless they tell you to worry about something. I totally appreciate all the support and everyone trying to keep me calm and grounded. I cannot imagine how difficult it is going to be to listen to them go through each syndrome, it's characteristics and how it may affect her and not start crying. That is my goal tomorrow, not to bawl my eyes out in the Genetics Clinic. I am bringing Kleenex just in case :)

Day 11

I am very thankful for our wonderful families. They stood by us through thick and thin, good and bad, happy and sad. They have celebrated all the milestones in our adoption journey and also held our hands in the darkest moments when we thought that our adoption journey would finish without a happy ending. They gave us hope, love, encouragement and most of all wonderful advice. They have also accepted and love Sofie unconditionally. We are truly blessed :)

Day 10

Today I am thankful for Sofie's ENT surgeon who did her palate repair and lip revision this summer. We were very lucky in that all the ENT surgeons in this group also have a plastic surgery rotation under their belt. They are therefore able to do both the palate and the lip revision. He did an amazing job and is truly an artist. He also specializes in ears too so if she should happen to need something in that area, we have it covered.
He is on the board of directors of a group that does mission trips to repair clefts in kiddos all over the world and has in fact traveled for many of these missions. He truly cares about what he does and about the kids :)

Day 9

Today I am thankful for all of our guides while we traveled in China. They were wonderful. Not only did they expose us to a wonderful, very different culture, they also made sure that all of the paperwork was in order and that everything was looked after. All we had to do was concentrate on Sofie :)